Dani McGuire

Yoga Shit.

2012-02-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

Ahimsa(non-violence) is the first Yama. We know that Yoga means relationship, and Yama is the relationship that we have to everything in the world. Our relationship to the world is a mirror of our relationships to ourselves.

"For a person who has experience his Buddha nature, he sees the Buddha nature in everyone. For a person who is full of shit, he sees everybody as a pile of shit." -Dharma Master Fo Yin in his conversation with the infamous poet Su Dong Po(A.D. 1037-1101)

What does this mean to us? Maybe it gives us some insight on how to put up with that annoying co-worker and the person, or press, that keeps slamming the practice that has transformed our lives, maybe it means to just cut off those that challenge us? What the dharma master is saying is that yoga starts within. Yoga begins with awareness, and that awareness, has to start with ourselves. It begins with our Yoga(relationship) to ourselves and from there will spill over into your other relationships. Lately yoga has gotten a lot of bad press. There have been books and articles written about the stress that yoga can put on our bodies, scandal within the yoga community exposing teachers' "dark sides." First of all, How can Yoga wreck our body!? Yoga means relationship. Relationships can wreck us only if our intentions are not pure. Think again to that co-worker, when we try to change them and their actions we just strengthen that which is causing turmoil within us in the first place. When we work on ourselves the co-worker doesn't change but our projections and needs for them to turn into someone else does. Yoga is an internal practice and as a society growing in materialism, many of us have made it an external practice. We can't help ourselves, we're Americans! We have turned yoga teachers into rockstars and then we get mad at them for sleeping around! These things happen to wake us up, to get a conversation started, and to tear down our walls and expose our hearts(something that takes years of yoga practice to accomplish). Set the intention of love and kindness today, set the intention on your "inner guru" and intuition, and "Self-center" instead of being self-centered. Whatever we set our intention towards expands in our lives. When you come to your mat, set the intention for Ahimsa(non-harming), especially if you are a type A personality. Set the intention today to be kinder to yourself on your yoga mat, to listen to what your body, mind and Soul needs are, and to nurture your Self. These problems in the yoga community are not because of Yoga, it is because we are humans practicing yoga. It is the reason we came to yoga in the first place!! As Bryan Kest says,"you can take what you learn on your mat and apply it to your life, or you can take what you do in life, and turn your yoga into shit!" Turns out Bryan Kest and the Dharma master Fo Yin had a similar message.

Ahimsa(non-violence/kindness) is the highest dharma(law). Ahimsa is the best tapas(austerity). Ahimsa is the greatest gift. Ahimsa is the highest self-control. Ahimsa is the highest sacrifice. Ahimsa is the highest power. Ahimsa is the highest friend. Ahimsa is the highest truth. Ahimsa is the highest teaching.--Mahabharata

The 5 Must Haves this Holiday Season.

2011-12-25T05:34:00.000-08:00

Think back to when you were a child. There was a time before all of us had attachments to our blankets, stuffed animals, or favorite toy. Most of us can’t remember this far back, but it was the time when we saw our parents, not as separate, but rather an extension of us. It was a time when we felt joy with just a few essential things. The desires of the world that preceded this time have caused either our suffering or have given us the drive for our blessings, but now it is time to go back to the essentials. What were the first 5 things we had that brought us joy, from as far back as the womb, and do you and those you pass on the street have them this Holiday.

1 A warm place to stay

2 Nourishment

3 Rest

4 Play

5 Love

Rather than getting the impossible gift for the person that has everything this year, why not bond together with them and make sure that everyone you meet has the top 5 first. Lets remember a time when we didn’t believe that we were separate or know that there were objects of the world to desire other than these things, because I guarantee that some people who appear to have it all are missing some of the essentials this year.

Play

Catholic to Tantric

2011-11-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

Confession time from this asana addict…I am a catholic wannabe from way back!! Born to hippie parents that knew little boundaries or ritual, though a house that valued laughter and tradition. I longed for the structure and reverence and parents that would force me to go to church like my best friends’ parents did. My grandfather would pick up my sister and I some Sundays and take us to church. I looked around at the bodies moving up and down trying to keep up the way I did the first time I entered a yoga class. Are we kneeling or are we standing? Sitting or kneeling? How is my alignment? I tried to follow the prayers that everyone else had memorized, feeling like I would never fit into the "cult-like" group. However confused and judging of myself I became, during this ritual, the whole experience would leave me exhilarated and full. I loved singing out at the top of my lungs to God. I was sure I would grow up to be a nun(haha). My days of wanting to be Catholic have changed a bit since being convinced by my husband to join before we were married, during the one point in my life when I was just not interested.(timing is everything-i was a very bad catholic girl!) I still love our Catholic church we attend once in awhile, with our priest that looks like Santa Claus, the rituals, that I now have memorized, the pew sun salutations, and singing(although I love chanting in sanskrit much more) I think this is why the "Catholic wannabe" in me is so drawn to the study of Tantric Shaivism, the direction my sadhana(daily practice) is leading me to these days. The mantras, the ritual, the breath, Oh my! Some of my friends still think that Tantra is about sex…it certainly makes it a lot more interesting to think about in these terms. After all, most of us remember the first time that we made love…the confusion, amazement, and rapture of it all. Or the first kiss.. wet, weird, and the thoughts of “Am I doing it right,” even though we had practiced on our hands or at the mirror hundreds of times before the actual act with Jeremy Peacock(hmm.. maybe that is why I can't stand peacock pose). Or for me the first time I practiced vinyasa, much like dancing, laying in savasana(relaxation) at the end of class with a feeling that I had been through a storm and was shipwrecked, washed up on the beach, and now laid there not know what just happened, or who I was, but here now.. alive. This is why I am an addict of asana, love, and devotion, and why the rituals and practice of Tantra are certainly appealing to me. The breath and sound rituals are the way that we can access the present moment. The average adult breathes approximately 21,600 times a day. Each one of these breaths is an opportunity to feel alive and experience this moment unlike any other! In a world of to do lists, which sometimes include our yoga practice, tea with friends, and being with our beloved, as things we check off at the end of the day, we all need these reminders and rituals to pause and be alive in these experiences. We all remember the first time we do something new, but how often do we remember the last. Will we remember the details of the last time that we make love as much as the first, or the last kiss as much as the first(Yuck) or the last conversation with our wise friend or grandfather.

Each moment we breath-in we have the ability within us to be enlightened, which means awake. The pause is what helps us remember.

“The question is not will I ever become enlightened, rather can I become enlightened right now.” – Chris Tompkins

When we enter into the present moment even a leaf falling from the branch of a tree, seems to hold all of the joy and suffering of the human race. It floats softly, sparkly, circular... following the pattern of our breath. What if we all remembered at the same time? Maybe the Mayan calendar would be true and time would cease to exist. And then!? As a wise one once said, “What happen’s after enlightenment? Laundry!”.

Here and There

2011-08-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

Far Away

I am searching for you

Waiting, Restless

Looking here and there, not knowing

Unaware

I have forgotten

Still searching

For you, For Love

Random images, confusion

Flash like scenes from a dream

Far Away

You are watching

Waiting, Restless

I sit, Motionless

I feel you ripple through me

The way waves caress each piece of sand on the shore

Each cell in my body is bathed by your light, your beauty

Alive

Full of love, Ecstasy

I remember

I shutter, quake

Awake

Eyes Open, I sleep

Searching

Still Searching

Far Away, and Knowing

Here Now

The World doesn’t Happen to US..It Happens Because of us..Just Imagine!!

2011-08-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Wherever you go, you carry your own imagination. Even if you go to heaven, you won’t be able to see it as heaven if there is a hell in your heart. If you have a heaven in your heart, you would even enjoy hell. Yes it’s true. Because you would see heaven there. It is all up to you.

-Swami Satchidananda

This was the passage that I read today at breakfast as I set my intention for the day. I recently got back from a Prana Flow training in LA. Back in Fort Wayne, Indiana where everything is so spread out, missing my daily walks, and no car necessary approach to life, I hesitantly loaded my girls into the car to take them to daycare. As I turned the key, nothing happened. I was honestly grateful, because now we were forced to walk to daycare which is only a mile away.

It’s just that, well, we sort of live in the ghetto, and so I usually start my car up to drive them a mile away, and then if I want to go for a walk, drive another half mile to walk around the beautiful park and golf course. Today I was forced to take the less sexy or scenic walk. I realized that I was doing something that was not only good for my body, my kids, and the environment, but I couldn’t help but feel down and stressed. Much less peaceful and present than when I walk through the beautiful park, that I usually drive to, even though it is only a mile away from my home. I was feeling discouraged about where we live and how the people around us live, thinking that we need to move and judging everyone around me. My kids were thrilled about the walk, and I was thankful that it wouldn’t take long, since I have a daycare provider so close. As we walked, and I judged, my 5 year old pointed to a home that we passed, you know the neighbor that has several porcelain figures, planters, and a bathtub alter with mother Mary, set up in the yard ..look mom…cool!! They have so much cool Halloween stuff ready, then she pointed down to a shiny 3 musketeers wrapper in another neighbors yard(my kids don’t really know what candy bar wrappers look like)”Look at that beautiful flower mom!” I reflected on the passage that I began my day with. Wherever you go, carry your own imagination.

It is easy to be inspired, feel sexy, and look younger, when we get out of our everyday lives and habitual ways of living. Like when we go on a vacation, go on a yoga retreat, or wake up on a beach or a mountain top. But how do we do this in our every day lives? How do we stop grasping for something other than where we are right now, and live and love every moment. We use our imagination. I started using mine, and began “picking flowers” on the way home. Not only was I cutting down on toxins in the environment today by not being able to turn on my car, I was helping to make my neighborhood a more beautiful place. Instead of obsessing about the new sexy Chevy Volt that I want, to show what a great yogi I am, I embrace being able to use my legs and hands for serving those around me. To serve those that may not have the time, health, or inspiration to clean up their own yard. As for the home with the Halloween décor all over the yard, well..at least it makes my daughter excited, and I have an alter at home too, we are not so different. It doesn’t matter weather we are laying on a beach in LA or walking through the ghetto on a drizzly day. If you are joyful you experience joy, wherever you are. What matters is how we walk this walk, and if we are reaching out to inspire and uplift others along the way. Be the one to capture something new today, to see something different than you usually do, and to carry your imagination with you. Change the, sometimes mundane, walk through life, into a path of beauty and wonderment. It’s all up to you.

Be Joy! Wherever you are!!

How Yoga Made Me a Terrible Runner

2011-03-28T10:44:00.000-07:00

As I climb on the treadmill today the familiar-faced gentlemen beside me says, ”Hi Dani! You’re still running?” Looking surprised to see my yoga bum at the YMCA. Well I am standing on a treadmill with my worn out sneakers, so he is obviously referring to something else…

I think to myself, what has happened to me! I used to be a “Runner”. Has yoga affected my ability to run? Yes, and it has affected my ability to flee. For most of my life, my water-like persona has been to run from one endeavor to the next. Shape shifting into what “I thought” everyone else wanted from me. It is much easier to shy away from our selves than to face the truth. We are all running from something at sometime or another on this path, and quite frankly running is exhausting, and can never satisfy the soul. In the words of Carbon Leaf, “it takes the courage of a lamb to run, the fierceness of a storm to love.” I used to think that to love was to be weak…weak in the knees, weak-willed, week stomached with the floating butterflies. I would like to thank Walt Disney for the role model of the female princess, so soft and feminine that a bird will land on her finger as she sings in her angle like voice. I still get so excited when the little squirrel that visits my front porch for the few walnuts I leave, comes to visit me, just so I can imagine I have that certain grace, and nurturing, goddess energy, that animals flock to for comfort and companionship. And thank you even more for the thought that I am the type that falls all over herself, and into the arms of the man, whom without, I would be incomplete.
Many times we end up searching outside of ourselves for everyone and everything to give our power to. It takes incredible strength to own our power, be fully ourselves, and a constant awareness that we are not falling back into those habitual thought patterns that our society, and Walt, have left impressed into our subconscious. Through my yoga practice I have found my core beliefs and strength, and it is earth shaking to finally realize this that is inherently ours.
If there are two things I want my daughters to learn from my parenting, or anyone else in life, it is that they are powerful and loved beyond what they could ever imagine.
Rumi sends a much more positive message to our soul that I’ve witnessed through the practice of yoga…”The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

It takes courage to be a vessel for this type of love.
If we stop running… what happens when we stay? When we stay in a difficult yoga pose…the sensations change and transform. But only if you are honest and aware of what you are feeling. In order to stay you have to be fully in touch with your emotions, even if they are socially unacceptable or unpopular. This is the most difficult part when you are a recovering people pleaser like myself. Really feel what you are feeling. How often do we do this? We are usually too busy or the timing is not right to acknowledge what we feel, or we let our judging mind determine whether it is a good or bad to feel this way. Just stop, and really feel what you are feeling today. It may not be popular, and it will most likely be uncomfortable, but it is the truth. To try to reason with our emotions is the biggest way to flee from our lives, as you take a back seat to your mind and emotions playing a game of tug of war. This can become a continuous inner struggle unless we let go of the rope, feel what we are feeling, and then move on purpose with purpose.
“Reason is like an officer when the king appears. The officer then loses his power and hides himself. Reason is the shadow cast by God; Go is the sun.”-rumi
When Walt thaws out, I would like to see him write a story about the Princess that saves herself…

The man on the other treadmill noticed the confusion in my face waiting patiently as I reply “no, I am not still running” turn on my treadmill, put my earbuds in place, and exhaust myself for the next 3 miles.

Why Yogis are OK with being naked

2011-03-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

As yoga clothes start to resemble lingerie ads, nude yoga calendars are being printed, and I hear chatter of my students discussing their nude beach experience, I start to wonder what it is with naked yogis. Is it that they want to show off their “yoga buns”? I have bought into some of this myself (mostly the feminine looking yoga outfits) and although I consider myself a “free spirit,” the thought of baring all makes me a little flush in my cheeks. Am I a prude, and why are yogis so comfortable with this?
This brings me back to an interesting experience I encountered in my early twenties with a guitar teacher of mine. Let’s call him “Harry” to protect his identity. I began taking guitar lessons at the request of my then boyfriend (Chris) in hopes that we could form a rock band together. Although I was feeling “too old” and insecure to begin learning an instrument, I put my fear aside and went for it, getting the highest recommended yoga teacher in town. Each week when I showed up for my lesson, I felt anxious and exposed, due to my own lack of confidence. As the lessons progressed and I began feeling more comfortable, it seems harry was too. Yes it is true… I showed up for my lesson and Harry was the one who was exposed (naked)this week. After a moment, an apology for forgetting about my lesson, and a quick change we proceeded as usual. I thought to myself, “Wow, who would have known he was a nudist.” I went back the next week. Same thing. This time it was “laundry day”. I left vowing to never return, but being coaxed into it by my boyfriend, who didn’t fully believe me (and would have much rather had the Janice Joplin, than the Seane Corne type) went back a third time. Needless to say (since I am not a famous guitarist) I didn’t go back again. In fact, I quit playing guitar because in my avidya(illusion) I thought it was Harry’s way of telling me I was not a worthy guitar student, because I had NO rhythm. I have never been one to judge others, only myself. THANKFULLY Yoga has helped me turn away from this judging mind and feel more comfortable in my SKIN. Maybe not to the extent of sitting naked on the beach (although I would like to think I could) and the nude yoga classes, well they just seem like they would be as awkward as a naked guitar lesson.
Why are many yogis comfortable in the buff..well..I think it is this reason.
I have had students express to me the awkwardness they feel post savasana (deep relaxation) bliss. This is the point where we pause and look deep into each other’s eyes for a moment before bowing our heads in Namaste (light in me-honors the light in you). Here we sit much more exposed than when we are nude. Through the process of yoga, we shed the layers that we put on ourselves or others put on us that lead to our fears and insecurities. We come in to this world naked and pure, like a crystal clear wine glass, and then we get passed around and the imprints began to dim our sparkle. Yoga begins to wipe these smudges away and if we are lucky, we can catch the glimmer that is there…here we sit uncovered, natural, crystal clear. Namaste’

No ADD in Belize

2011-02-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

On my recent trip to Belize I was finally forced out of my “comfort zone” that I have been reflecting on so much lately. I am able to cross things off a bucket list I never knew existed! One of them being the amazing Actun Tunichil Muknal tour, otherwise noted as ATM tour on our itinerary. When I signed up, I went with my intuition, trusting this would be the right choice, even though I had no idea what an ATM tour was. For all I knew this would be a place were we could go and pull out some much needed American cash, so I said SIGN ME UP. After all, I was most concerned about teaching some yoga in a beautiful place, and getting the heck out of snow-pocalypse and record lows in Indiana . I found out the night before our tour, at dinner, that this was a 6 hour Cave Tour that we would have to swim to enter the cave. Hmm, so 5 hours with no light, cold, and wet. Though not my usual idea of a good time, I smiled an uncomfortable smile, put my fears on the shelf, and surrendered to the whole experience. Just as you do when you realize that you have just entered a yoga class where the teacher can be likened to the dentist. As we arrived at our destination, we all left our waters, lunch and dry clothing at the picnic area, pulled up a bush for those of us that drank too much coffee, and than headed through the lake and into the cave. At first I thought I could make it in by hugging the wall, and not have to swim and get wet, but since a huge black wall spider had the same idea, needless to say; I dove in, doggy-paddled my way to shallow water, and began the journey into the underworld. I clung to our guide on the way, finding comfort from him. We all had to pass on messages to one another and if one of us failed to do so, someone could have gotten injured. We all became important messengers. There was a great amount of respect and reverence in the way the guide led us through the darkness. He pointed up to a beautiful opening in the cave where sunlight filtered down, and told us to say goodbye to the last bit of light for the next few hours….

Further down our path we came to a place in the cave where a plant grew, 6oo feet down, with no sunlight. “How was this possible?”, we wondered. It had soil, water, and seed from the fruit bat’s excrement. Where was the light it needed? The guide has us turn off our headlamps. It was completely black. We turned them back on, and he said “it is your light.” It made me think that it had to be more than just the artificial light that we wore on the top of our adorable read helmets (see photo). Out of the hundreds of tours here, if we all stop to pay attention to this plant, of course it will thrive.
I thought about the things that I have been paying attention to in my life. Do my thoughts line up with the things I want to flourish?
What we pay attention to, is what expands and grows. Are my thoughts supporting my intention and aim? Ask yourself this question, “Does my mind revolve around worry and fear, or do I focus positive energy on the areas I want to sprout new beginnings in my life?” Even if it begins with a pile of shit, there is possibility for growth…
We made it through the cave to the main area that looked like a Cathedral, saw the famous Mayan pottery and skeletons, and then sat in the Cathedral. There is something about meditation in blackness, opening your eyes, there is still nothing to entertain, nothing to excited the sense of sight, so inward we go…
As we headed back I was much more relaxed and in the moment after meditation, rather than grasping toward warmth, light, and my veggie sandwich. As we passed the plant on the way out, I leaned over and touched the leaves. Trying to give back a little “prana”, for the gratitude I felt, for the reminder to pay attention to what matters. The people in Belize do a great job of paying attention. The kids are happy, the environment is well cared for, the stray animals are plump with shinny coats, and there is vegetation and orange grooves lining every highway. Contrasting our society, where we lack attention as we are multitasking in our superhighway of technology. Attention Deficit Disorder is on the rise, eye contact is no longer the norm…
I take a breath in a country that has the attitude of slow and attentive, and feel peace and joy.
A few days later I am sitting at breakfast enjoying the fresh food and peaceful sounds, as we are preparing to leave the island to return to American soil. Suddenly I am startled by a sound coming from my purse. It was my cell phone (which didn’t have reception the whole week, until this moment) Time to go home…
A place of peace and joy.

Every moment can possess magic

2011-02-02T10:39:00.000-08:00

“Power to manifest. Every moment can possess magic.” I heard someone talking about this the other day on Oprah radio. I instantly thought THAT’S YOGA. For many years now, I have been amazed how what I chose to focus on, shows up in my life. I know this to be true, yet it always stuns me. Imagining that we have this power is responsibility, when I use to leave everything up to, or blame everything on, “Destiny”.

Still this thought isn’t quite complete. There is so much more to happiness and peace than being a co-creator in our life. If we truly want happiness, everything we manifest should be for others, not ourselves. Switching from the idea that every moment can possess magic, to every moment IS magic, is a much more powerful way of thinking and being. Open up those eyelids to experience what is in front of you, NOW.

My 5 year old just learned the days of the week song at school and serenades me daily,Sunday Monday Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday Friday, Sat-uur-day, and then begins again. Although I am proud of her for learning the days of the week, I can’t help but get stressed out at the thought of a week going by so quickly, and then doing it all over again! It usually ends up being the same thing… always striving for something more, or something different… but the same week just begins again. This is our”week-ness”. This is our samskara (habitual patterns and unaware-ness in each day, that creates the karma of our life) If you have ever caught yourself wondering how in the heck you got to this place/mess, it is usually because this unconscious thought pattern was your tour guide. No matter how high of an intention we set for ourselves, if we are not present, we will never propel ourselves to where we need to be.
What do we do now, as many of us have already fallen off the wagon of our New Year intentions, because of life, or ourselves, getting in the way? We color outside of the lines! Do something that frightens you!! Something out of your comfort zone! Challenge yourself, without being attached to the outcome of whether you “succeed”, or “fail”. Discover that inner child that once knew it was OK to color outside the lines. Only you, have the power to change that week-ness into empowerment. As we get older, many times, our fear of failure keeps us from trying. I recently picked up the guitar AGAIN, because I really love to play, but I can get so discouraged when I do not sound like Jimmie Hendrix. I know I probably never will, but I am able to let go of needing to be perfect, or even good for that matter. What is important, is that I have surrendered any expectations and within that, have found myself fully enjoying being present, during my noisy meditation. Do something completely out of the ordinary, without fear of judgment, or looking/sounding a little dorky. Stop saying, “I should eat more mindfully, I am going to learn a new language, or play that instrument when I have more time, I am going to be with the people I love more, or more like the people I love.” Keep it simple. Open your eyelids and wake up to whatever life is presenting for you. Be a co-creator by being alive and of service now. As a great yogi tea bag once said. “If you are unconsciously living a conscious life, you will never be poor.”

Jala (a meditation)

2010-12-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

You are the puddle,
I can see clearly into.
He is the droplet that lays beneath my chest.
As I lean to gaze deeper,
He splashes into you.
But I am not lost,
I am found.
The moon reflects off our curves and ripples,
Cooling. Loving. Creating.
We are the water cupped in the hands of children,
Passing over innocent lips.
Nourishing. Healing. Divine.
Let them be well, live well, love well
Let them splash into each other,
And into He.

Comfort Zones

2010-12-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

I’m noticing my attachment to spending time in my comfort zone right now. It’s easy for me to do physically as the temperature turns frigid, and I don’t want to go outside running or walking in the cold. I stay in the comfort of my warm, (otherwise known as the “old folks home, because I keep it sooo hot”) cozy home. I put on some leg warmers and brew a cup of chai, watching the snowflakes fall around me and imagine I am inside a snow globe that God just shook up. The comfort of my home feels great on days like these where we get snowed in, and can pretend that nothing exists outside of this glass bulb. However I know this can’t last. But what about our comfort zones that have lasted, most of our lives? What are these really about? These “comfort” rooms can be made up of the walls that our egos build, telling us about what we like, or dislike, what we can or cannot do, and what we don’t have time, energy, money, or talent for. By these walls of separation we feel protected? Maybe for a short time, until we realize it is a false sense of security. These walls are really our limited stories and beliefs that we tell ourselves about us, and the world around us. If we stay in our glass bulbs too long we loose our sense of joy, and create a world dominated by our ego. You may start to feel that there is no room for growth, change, love, let alone to breathe.

I open my mouth and fog up the window, practicing my ojai breath, seeing the heat of my breath against the glass; a reminder to me that it is always there, even though invisible. Time to bundle up the kids, go outside, and explore the snowflakes; time to experience the way the cold feels on our noses, and observe how the flakes turn to water as they land against the warmth of our skin. Stop watching the world from your comfort zone and get in the game. Our dog doesn’t wait inside with the thoughts of “I would rather be warm and comfortable.” He jumps up on the sofa, shaking and howling, excited to get out in the world, play, and be one with mother- nature. We can learn a lot from our animals.
Where do you stay in your comfort zone? Perhaps it is your relationships, daily routine, or career? Are you afraid to change directions in life or try something new because your friends or family might judge you? Is fear holding you back? What would you do if failure simply wasn’t an option? Do you do things that aren’t serving you any longer simply because you have always done it this way? Try to turn off the judging mind and just be completely you for a while. Sit with your self for 5 minutes every day in the quiet of the morning or evening sunset. Try doing a few handstands. Leave your comfort zones by deciding to moonlight somewhere that encourages your creativity, take the pain and the ass employee out to lunch, scheme up ways to make your passion your living, and daydream about quitting your day job to become a singer on Broadway. So maybe that last part is a stretch, but for now, turn off the computer, put on some music, and dance. Shake things up a bit, and tune back in at a later date to get clear on your intentions for next year.

“We’re going to take this thing here straight over the stratosphere, baby.”-Snoop Dogg

Caution! Road never ends.

2010-10-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

I remember several years ago in an Iyengar class, when the teacher looked at me and said, “You know you can never stop now, right?” As someone who has had a hard time sticking with anything in life, I looked over my shoulder, from some bound up position, eyebrow raised, curious about what that comment actually meant. I felt at the time that she was putting curse on me? Almost a decade later, here I am, owning a yoga studio, completing my 500 hr training, having spent a week with this summer with inspirational, Shiva Rea, completing my Mentorship with Jnani Chapman in Yoga Therapy, and receiving a new name(Vani). I take a moment to pause, and wonder what comes next!! As I write this I do realized that I am addicted to yoga, hence the name of this blog. My family members are constantly asking me. So now are you done, right? Don’t you know everything there is to know about yoga? I have to reassure them that this is much different than when I was in college, and continually switched my major, because I couldn’t figure out what I was meant to do. I know it seems odd to them, as it did to me a decade ago, when all I knew is that my body felt amazing after being in those different shapes for an hour. Being a forever student, facinated by the art and science of yoga, I realize that even though I have a few more pieces of paper in my yoga notebook, I still feel like I know almost nothing. I know enough to understand what my first teacher meant. It took me thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of training to realize that Barbara was right! I can never stop! Sill, it doesn’t make any more sense to daddy, who thinks Yoga is a Pyramid Program. In some ways that is what it does look like in America.(A topic for a later discussion perhaps) I am forever grateful to have stumbled into that Iyengar class several years ago, and I am grateful that this journey continues. What comes next…I teach. I get endless amounts of joy from being both a student and a teacher of yoga, and dancing between the two. I have seen other teachers struggle with this as they stop practicing when they become teachers. This is not a sustainable practice. It is important to find balance between the two, if you really want to serve your students. Below is a little practice that I do to help me be in the moment whether I am soaking up the tradition from another, or being a channel through which Yoga can flow.

“When I enter the presence of my teachers I ask to be emptied so that I may receive. When I enter the presence of my students I ask that I may be filled so that I can serve.”
-Dani (Vani)

Stop. Love. Go.

2010-10-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting a lot lately. Why? Because my meditation teacher is making me, because I made the commitment to myself to continue after being at the Ashram, and because I am teaching my students about meditation. Fall is a great time to sit, if your energy gets a little erratic with the change of seasons, like mine does. The practice of meditation has gifted me with a chance to find stillness, and a place to stop the chatter in my head, even if only for a moment. The more I practice, the more I notice the practice seaping into other aspects of my life. For example: I will walk around the park taking in the colors of the leaves and their own mysterious erratic energy as they change from green to a bouquet of orange and red. Usually, I would be running around the park just to check off my jog for the day. A refreshing peak into the details of my day, that I would normally rush by, has been a lovely result of committing to sitting. Meditation is a great way for bringing stillness into our worlds and, within that stillness, feel the love that exists within ourselves.

In the midst of this mindful retreat, a friend of mine was going into the hospital for a serious operation, and having been through the cancer journey before, was not sure what to expect on the other side. I received an email with a link to a blog, developed by she and her family, to keep everyone aware of her progress and to organize a healing community around her, during this 8 hour surgery, and the healing beyond. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I witnessed great love, support, and community, proving that she is not alone on this walk. Her own strength and beauty, reflected in her words on my computer screen, were an inspiration and teacher to me. I thought about our technology, and how separate it makes us. Yet, here is an opportunity to keep us connected and sharing our prayers and support through the same devices. Duality existing even in the land of the information super highway.

Meditation brings stillness and clears out our STUFF, but nothing clears out the vrittis (mind chatter) in our lives faster than peeking into the mortality of our physical bodies on this sacred playground. Humans are amazing during a time of need when the veil of egoic want is lifted. It is like an instantaneous purge of our selfishness. There is a ripe moment where none of us knows how we really got here. Then, flows an infinity of love that exudes from within. We are all waiting for the chance to serve, and when it arrives, it just happens.

It is during these moments, when all becomes still, that you can witness the divine within you waiting to love…quite the opposite of what we do the rest of the time. We are usually caught up in our stories of waiting to be loved, complaining that we are not loved enough, or worst of all, undeserving of love.

As I got on with my “to do” list… after meditating, reading the blog, crying, praying, juicing, putting some of the cucumbers over my eyes (to reduce puffiness), and then crying some more, it was time to take my daughter to school. On the way, I noticed a couple kissing in their car at the stoplight and I immediately thought, ”they are obviously not married or heading anywhere important today if they can kiss each other like that, at 7:30 in the morning.” Then I noticed another couple standing on the corner, just moments later, kissing each other, baby cooing in the stroller beside them. Today, during the lunch hour, I noticed a couple slow dancing on the corner waiting for the light to turn green. What is happening? Have I lost my mind. Is Fort Wayne the city of lip-locked lovers on every street corner and I just haven’t been aware of it until now? The one thing these lovers had in common is that they were all at stoplights. We are usually so caught up in the fast pace of our lives, that we are on autopilot. Many times, it takes a teacher to make you stop and sit; or a traumatic event, to stop us in our tracks. When we stop, love spills out, whether we are at a stoplight, or on our knees or meditation cushions. This is our divine nature. Love is what gets us through our day at our possibly monotonous jobs, and love is what is waiting to heal us when we wake from an intense 8 hour surgery. Most importantly, Love is what we are if we can just stop and get out of our own way. Just don’t stop breathing, even those lip-locked lovers will eventually have to come up for air. Unfortunately and fortunately, the light will turn green.

Spill out love with this Tibetan Buddhist Meditation
Imagine a person you wish to serve in uplifting. Breathe in the pain of this person. Imagine it as a gray cloud that is transformed within you to pure light. Breathe out to that person spaciousness, healing or love. You can do this for anyone: the homeless mother that you pass on the street, a sick friend, someone you choose to forgive, or yourself.

Investigating Dah-ni

2010-09-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

The only true currency in this bankrupt world… is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool. –Almost Famous

I recently received an email and a phone call from an old neighbor, Sam, that I lived next door in my early twenties. He called me recently, because he had heard about me and the guidance and service I had been offering to his friend through my teachings on yoga. She would often speak of her teacher and friend, DAH-ni. Sam had the image of this tall, ethnic, beauty, as she would always pronounce my name DAH-ni, instead of Dani. Many weeks later, intrigued by the transformation he was witnessing, he wanted to learn more, so he hopped onto our studio website and began perusing the pages. Sam came to the page with my picture and said, “That’s not DAH-ni that’s DAAAAni!” “She was my neighbor!” She’s not the enlightened person you spoke about. She works out like a maniac and her boyfriend, wanna-be rock star, is allergic to weeds. (Here all this time I thought we were pretty cool.) Ahhh, I remember Sam too and the nights my, then boyfriend, Chris would be running around our home shutting windows trying to quiet the sound of Sam karaoking, in his wavering falsetto, to Sarah Mclachlan tunes at the top of his lungs. I secretly loved listening to the tone-def crooning, though. It comforted me, as it was a sound you wouldn’t expect to hear in the middle of our not-so-safe neighborhood, and an affirmation that I was not alone in my “un-coolness”.
As Sam was telling me how he came to realize it was the same person that lived next door, but with a new spark, and about his own spiritual awaking over the years, I couldn’t help but drift into thought, over the mispronunciation of my name and the synchronicity of the new name given to me by one of the Swamis (Renunciate like a nun or a monk) at the Ashram last month. She donned me with the name Vani (pronounced VAH-ni) comes from the Sanskrit word meaning “eloquent in words”, relating to music, “sound, or voice”.
HMMM Vani, DAH-ni. Interesting. I am not certain if I have embodied these qualities fully, but I do know that I have embraced my inner, taller ethnic beauty that is inside this Irish body of mine, and listening to Sam, I realized that he had uncovered something wonderful too, his true nature. Sam I AM.
Transformation
Most of us in the yoga community feel a little nauseated with how much the word transformation is thrown around these days. In fact, I am making myself a little ill right now. Companies have marketed the term to death to sell products promising that you will forever be changed, which of course has the underlying tone that we are not good enough as we are. Still, if some company bottled it and wrapped it in pretty packaging, I’d probably try it, especially if it came in Ginger.

I can’t speak for Sam, but I am still not any cooler. What has happened through love, life, loss, and most of all my yoga practice, is that I’ve become comfortable in my own skin. For me, yoga has been the process of uncovering what is already there and knowing that I am enough, and that is a very cool realization. Beware of your Svadyaya (Self-Study), one of Niyamas, or “observances” in yoga. Your inner traits may look a little bigger or even a little darker than the corky Irish persona, or whatever you have been hiding behind, but to experience your true nature, is bliss.
This can be a challenging task, when the reality is most of us are afraid to really explore the depth of our souls. It means we have to be OK with the fact that we are not perfect, we have to forgive others, and even scarier, ourselves; we may even have to visit some dark places, before we can fully embrace the light.
When we stop listening to the beliefs that others have put on us about who we are, and especially when we surrender our own misconceptions about who we are, can we begin to experience truth. So dig deep into the sea of you heart, use the tools of yoga, or whatever spiritual practice you have embarked on, to begin to remove the veil of illusion, and walls of separation.
Beginning by stepping out of the story(drama) that has been created, either for you or by you, and forget about your ideas of how you want to be perceived … Then Practice this attitude daily.. Honesty in your mind, Sincerity in your spirit, and a knowing, that you are loved.
Vani

Fear and the Vaginal Protection Program

2010-09-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

Cesarean rates are at an alarming high in this country, one of the reasons being that women in the US are not given the option of having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) as often they are in other countries. I was pleased to have received a call and email from a local VBAC support group wanting me to speak about the benefits of prenatal yoga. Prenatal yoga can be a wonderful tool for empowering woman and helping them work with their bodies in the birthing process. I also have my own personal experiences to share from my two extremely different births. The first being a terrifying labor lasting 44 hours in the hospital and finally having my daughter being pulled out of me with the use of forceps and the body weight of the doctor using all his might. My husband watching in horror as the doctor had little respect for, in his words, “His favorite toy.”
Dr. Forceps then proceeds to tell us that if I ever happened to get pregnant again I would have to be scheduled a c-section. Three years later…empowered from the connection with my own body and baby, through the practice of yoga, I was able to deliver the baby into my midwives arms without the use of drugs. I would have opted for a home birth the second time had I not believed the doctor to some extent that my body was not capable of birthing a baby safely and should just schedule a c section, however I was intuitive enough to not let them induce me (being 9 days overdue) and believed I could have a natural delivery.
After juggling my over extending schedule and some back and forth emails with the coordinator of the VBAC support group, I decided that I would find a sub for my weekly class and offer my support and knowledge to these woman for one of the most important moments of their lives. I surrendered my previous commitment to my students, set the date, and hit send on the email. Much to my surprise the response that I received this time was much different than the “Delightful!! We meet at…”. The vibe had changed to “I just checked out your website and I am concerned about the Eastern aspect of yoga. I had been under the impression that it was just a really great stretching regimen. Sorry to take up your time.”

My mind came to a screeching halt as if I were about to witness a car crash, and then I felt this flush of anger rush through my veins. I have to admit that I don’t regularly get to feel this emotion, laid back people pleaser that I am, and it was quite exhilarating. (For those of you that have kids and have seen the movie Enchanted. I resemble the cheesy Giselle character when she gets angry.) Where was this anger really coming from? Maybe from my experience of how yoga helped me with one of the most empowering moments of my life… to experience an ecstatic natural childbirth. To think that these woman would not be able to get the information and choose for themselves did make me angry. VBAC group leader was deciding for them, just like the doctors decide for them that they need to have a c-section.
It was also my ego. What was this woman thinking of me? Had we met in person she would have seen my similarities instead of my differences, my light instead of some darkness coming from some other side. I’m sure I could have charmed her socks off…
I wonder if she assumes that I am a Hindu that runs around chanting in Sanskrit and wearing a bindi on my forehead. OK, I do love chanting and I have been known to sport a bindi when I am with my Shiva Divas.
Regardless of this, I simply wanted to serve these women, not turn them Hindu. Swami Satchidinanda said, “I am not Hindu, I am Undo.”

It is ironic to me, that a group wanting to make change in the beliefs of the medical community can be so stuck in their own. Why do some doctors push c-sections for a woman once they have had one, not even considering that the second time could be different? FEAR. Why was I uninvited to this group that is supposed to empower woman to make their own choices…FEAR…What keeps us separate from each other? Many times.. FEAR. Empowerment can never come from FEAR. I have people of all faiths come to practice the art and science of yoga with me. When we practice together we realize our similarities instead of our differences. We act from a place of Love not Fear. We leave with a sense of peace and EMPOWERMENT. So yes, yoga is so much more than stretching my dears. Weather I am going to church to pray, or reaching for my toes, I do not want to be separate from God.

As I iron my wraps for the Satchidanada Ashram, where I will be assisting a yoga for cancer teacher training, tomorrow. I reflect further on the reverence and respect for all things, and all people regardless of their beliefs. I imagine the once Catholic nun that now garbs herself in orange that will wake us with her lovely violin music. I think of the Lotus meditation shrine with all of the symbols of the different theologies, welcoming everyone to pray and meditate. I think about how different I pack for this trip, leaving my shoulder bearing dresses that I adore, and high heel shoes for a more modest wardrobe. As I reflect upon this journey that I am on I feel inner peace and acceptance wash over me, fully excepting of what is , grateful for the present moment, the path ahead, and light within. In these things we are all united.

Kisses for Callousness

2010-08-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

William P Young, author of The Shack, was on Oprah XM radio the other day talking about Relationship, and the fact that relationship will hurt us more than anything else in this world, but that through relationship we would also discover the healing we needed. I was moved, because I know this to be true in my own life and was able to be a witness to this phenomenon just this morning with my children… As I was sitting at breakfast with them… Brenna (The 4 year old) was pointing her finger in Teaghan’s (The 1 year old), face. Teaghan was smacking her hand away in defense when suddenly she realized that Brenna had a bandage on her finger, symbolizing an “owie”. She stopped defending herself and leaned over to kiss the bandage on her sister’s finger. Instantly, the progressively worsening situation transformed from frustration and anger, into a peaceful moment, and love.
What a great opportunity we have as yogis and yoginis, to take this awareness into action in our world through the practice of yoga. Remembering first, that the back bending we do on our mats is not simply for us to look prettier and more youthful, but to cultivate the quality of compassion in our lives. I have always had a flexible spine and compassionate heart. I am grateful that I was able to realize from a young age that people wanting to cause pain are the ones in pain, and they are just reaching out for help from a place of that pain. I may have taken this ideal to an extreme, as I have often daydreamed that if I was ever in a situation where I was afflicted with an act of violence, I could tap in to the perpetrator’s pain, we would talk, and there would be an opportunity for healing. Yes this scenario is extremely naïve but, I believe, there is truth in it.
About 8 years ago I was accompanying my sister to a building in a fairly bad neighborhood downtown. Why she chose me as her protector, I have no idea. As we entered the building there were some young boys harassing us on the steps, so I turned to them and said in a slightly whiny voice. “Well(pause) why aren’t you very nice to girls.” And then turned and walked away. My sister’s face had a look something between horror and amusement. This story often comes up as entertainment during our family gatherings, but the part that they forget to include is that the young man did actually feel bad, followed us inside, and in “his own way” apologized. I smiled, felt compassion for him, and all was ok. Except for my sister’s embarrassment of having such a dorky older sibling.
Swami Satchidanana says that a happy face is a reflection of our happiness, a sad face a reflection of our sorrow. Therefore relationship must begin with us.
My Grandmother, who most of my family thinks is crazy because she walks around talking to God all day, once told me during one of her conversations with God she heard just one word…RELATIONSHIP.
William P Young talks about the importance of relationship in our lives, and in healing what is in our Shacks.

Yoga means relationship.
For many years I was reckless with the idea of relationship. The idea of relationship with myself, my loved ones, the environment, and God, seemed impossible, even, at times, terrifying. Through the practice of yoga I started nurturing the relationship with myself, and I healed, then I was strong enough to nurture relationships with others and we healed each other.
As I think about my one year old peacemaker, recognizing her sister’s wound, and turning violence into peace with just a kiss, I wonder how far can we, when united, take this concept into our world. I think of how powerful we are together and it gives me hope. Hope for changing the mess we have made with our societal need for wealth and beauty, hope for the mess we’ve made in our friendships and romances, and hope for the mess we have made of our environment. We can start small by being a little kinder to ourselves next time we can’t reach our toes in paschimottanasana (seated forward bend), or pausing to acknowledge the pain of another before lashing out defensively. We can choose to get involved in helping the planet, and stop making excuses. Most importantly we can always be mindful of moving from a place in our hearts, and trust in the truth of love that comes from a kiss of compassion.

A lesson in non-attachment

2010-08-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

I’ve always considered myself a fairly unattached person when it comes to expectations and outcomes of creative projects and relationships in my life, so much so that I’ve often been given the name of Serendipity. I’ve even at times felt like I have had to “fake enthusiasm” when I felt like my own didn’t match the magnitude of the situation. Why then.. did I find myself waking, heart pounding, from a crazy dream just a few weeks ago…goes something like this..Me and my lovely family over at a couples home for dinner when suddenly I had this incredible urge to run. I instantly realized that we were whats for dinner..There was an energy force like a vacuum that was about to devour us, so I grabbed all of my THINGS and started running. I also snatched up my youngest, Teaghan, and as I noticed her sister, Brenna standing in the doorway of darkness, similar to the scene in Poltergeist, grabbed her with my other arm. I was finding it really hard to run as the force was getting stronger. With a child in each arm, and all of the stuff I was trying to bring with me it became nearly impossibly to move. I was stressed about all of the clothes falling out of my half zipped suitcase, but still would not drop it. The apex was when I turned to my husband who was already very confused by our dinner party turned voracious energy field, and told him to go back to grab my Macbook. Whoever said that God speaks to us in whispers…well that just isn’t always the case in my life. This dream was much different the the etherial ones that usually grace my sleep, and a no joke, slap in the face lesson on non-attachment. That day as I walked around my home I noticed a bookshelf full of dusty yoga books(the kind you surround yourself with when you first begin to teach because it gives you an air of confidence you don’t believe you naturally possess) a desk full of papers, notes, and bills from not one, but two yoga studios, I have recently opened. I glance at my macbook, the thing I so willingly sent my husband into the flesh eating energy pit for, desktop cluttered with icons of old yoga photos, flyer, links, anatomy pics..on and on. I began to wonder if this was a reflection of my mind..the thing I came to yoga to calm, just cluttered with new attachments. Here I was, caught somewhere between the business of yoga and the heart of yoga. If the spiritual path is all about letting go, why then have I acquired so much crap!! I am admittedly attached to my macbook, facebook, yoga books, and liberation. The Vedantic scriptures say, “Even the desire for liberation is bondage.” I guess it is inevitable being human, living in this society, holding this passion, and given the serendipitous nature of my life thus far. Thankfully when I stray of the path too long God screams at me to get back on, and always continue practicing. Really that is the essence of it, PRACTICE. I have been practicing letting go and packing a little lighter these days so that I can zip my suitcase completely. I have also witnessed the beauty of being able to stay. There is something powerful about staying in a moment when you have the urge to flee… Staying present in the midst of chaos, that as westerners we cannot run from, staying light in the eye of darkness, and staying calm in the face of fear. When we stay we can serve each other, and truly put our attachments down for a moment.

Confessions of an Asana Addict

2010-08-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

A blog by a thirty-something girl that loves Love, Life, Family, Food, God, and Yoga. Since I am unable to quiet the chitta (mental chatter) and control Tanha’ (thirst) for earthly pleasures. I am using this as a forum to confess them, and give us all a chance to laugh at the nature of ourselves on the journey to the Self.