Set your Gaze Upon the Earth: Tips to Calm the Emotions and Fall

Feeling emotional, spacey, addicted, or like you can't follow through?

Fall being Vata season, represented by the qualities cold, light, dry, irregular, moving, quick and changeable, can be a time of year that challenges us emotionally and physically. It becomes increasingly difficult to maintain our self care practices, healthy diets, and positive thoughts, as school and activity schedules increase. This is one of the reasons many of us come down with illness during this time of year or chronic pain gets worse.

As my family was increasingly "loosing it" the other day, with 8 year old tears, lost car keys, and swimming in the sea of colored pages that float upon every table top, my husband looked at me and said, "you seem really grounded."

I am not immune when it comes to this season. Even on the best days I feel my balanced state of mind and genuine peace succumbing to desires, daydreams, and daily to-dos.

Just as the leaves outside are changing and displaying their full range of color, we can take a lesson from nature to embrace ours. Here are a few things I do to stay grounded and grateful during "the fall."

What we resist persists
Fall is a time for change however, stop trying to change what cannot be moved. Take time to re-direct your attention and energy to something that can be changed, maybe something you have been avoiding. We tend to give our energy away to things that cannot be changed and avoid the things we can change because we know we have the power to co-create and that can be a bit frightening. If there is a nagging voice inside wanting big change, it is there for a reason. Sit with it.(literally sit still)

Get outside
Easy! We may not have much of this nice weather left, so even if it is a bit more chilly than you like, bundle up and get outside to enjoy nature's colors.

Be Thankful
Gratitude like all of our practices only happens by grace, but you will never become it if you do not take a moment to practice it each day. Feel your feet upon the earth, stop and say Thank You! Eventually you will feel the fruits of your practice as you suddenly begin to feel grateful, and we become what we feel.

Do it with Both Hands
Sounds a little dirty, I know, but love often is.  Our hands are an extension of the heart, which is why we express our emotions through our hands. If the ground is always moving beneath us, moving from our heart is the only way to stay grounded. We often move through life only revealing certain parts of ourselves. Don't be afraid to use all sides of yourself. Create a practice of watching your hands do your work from a place of genuine, caring, and authentic presence.

Gaze Upon the Earth
In your yoga practice turn your attention to the earth. I love practicing with my eyes closed. It is like I am swimming down deep into the oceans of my soul, however, fall is NOT the best time for this  and can make you more spacey, less grounded, and more vulnerable to addictions. Place your gaze and your desires upon the earth so only what serves will become seeds in the soil of your asana practice and  life. Use your drishti(gaze) to focus, become alert and stay present to your changing scenery.

My Personal-ity Dilemma

I heard a knock on the door.

I was just diving into some coconut bliss and goddess granola for dessert, following my delicious lunch of kale, red radish and raw goat cheese lunch.

I could see from the window an unfamiliar face of an African American, middle-aged man. He was on my porch, gazing in at me, stern faced.

I live in a diverse neighborhood that ranges from artists and baby booming yuppies, to people living on unemployment or selling drugs. I love the diversity and unpredictability. I find it grounding.

I slowly opened the door, keeping my cell phone in close proximity, as every possible melodrama and news headline flashed across my lower mind.

I took a deep breath and tried to look the man straight in the eyes, unwavering.

"How can I help you?"

The man asked if my husband was home.

"No," I said hesitantly.

He proceeded to tell me that my husband had promised him work, and that he would like to mow our lawn. I looked around, but did not see a lawn mower. He also explained that times were hard for him and his wife, who was standing on the sidewalk near the house, stone-faced and wiping the sweat from her brow. 

"We have had a hard time putting food on the table, and the food stamps won’t arrive until next week. We are hungary. Please help us out," he said.

I told him I would grab some things from the kitchen for them to eat. I went back into the house and brought back veggies, rice and a can of organic beans. As I came back out on the porch, they were both on the sidewalk. The man looked at what I had in my hands, waived his arm at me in aggravation, and said, “Seriously you expect that to fill us up?! Look at us! We was hoping for some McDonald's or something!”

I felt like I did back in high school when I was the last person picked to be on a team.  How can I meet this person where they are when the layers of our personalities are so thick?  My personality steeped in the identity of "helping" and his in "you owe me something better". Here I was left standing on my front porch with my $30 organic skinny bitch yoga food.

Part of me was pissed! You have some nerve coming to my front door and then throwing your arms up at me!

All I could think of was how can I transmit 10 years of yoga and Ayurveda study to this ridiculous person in one sentence? That, or use some Jedi mind trick. "You do want organic stir-fry tonight. and you are sorry for inconveniencing me-Namaste'" I imagined that with a waive of my sparkling yoga-jedi wand that he would drop all of his conditioning and habitual patterns and buy into mine.

The thing about yoga is that it develops this part of the brain called "witness" the part of yourself that watches how ridiculous the melodrama of life can be.

So while one part of my self was angry, another part was amused at the teaching and grounding in the moment. After all, realizing my personality of Pisces and Bhakti yogini, my head easily stuck in the clouds. I am aware that we have to be in the world too, keeping it all in perspective. Not everyone is interested in reading another Rumi poem on my blog or Facebook feed about how in love I am with everyone and everything. 

Sometimes it is necessary for us to be brought up off our knees, onto our feet, and into the reality of the world we live in—even if it is a little mucked up. Life as I know it has been the dance between standing on my feet and dropping to my knees. It's about the weaving of them both and not getting stuck in one place for too long.

What do you think all these sun salutations are prepping us for?

This day I should have used my feet. Taken a different path of action.

Why?! This guy was really an ass!

Because, part of me really buys into the yoga ideology that we are all one, and I couldn’t find kinship with this person except that we were both piddling all over each other with our personal identities. As our eyes met something happened. I could see exactly how he viewed me "goody-goody" and he could see exactly how i viewed him "ungrateful free-loader", and for a moment we could see ourselves reflected in one another's eyes. As he left me standing there, dumbfounded that he didn't accept my self-righteous food offering, I felt a sense of sadness. One that arises from the separation caused by the level of our personalities, how we catalog ourselves in the world. So what if he wanted McDonald's?! Maybe I could have handled the situation differently...

In my yoga school our mission is to meet people where they are. I could have walked with him, bought them a meal, and gotten to hear more about their struggle. When someone trusts us enough to listen, we are given a gift of standing in some spark of truth.

Isn't that what really nourishes us—for our stories to be heard?

Listen.

Rather than finding common ground and standing on my feet, I hurried to my cabinet insulting him with my easy, messy, expensive, organic, hand out; ultimately so that he would get off my porch and allow me to get back to my bliss and goddess dessert.

My haste, my personality, and my fear were just as much obstacles as anything coming from his side. He was stuck in his conditioning, and so was I. Rather than forcing him to "take a hike" maybe I should have offered him "a walk." Perhaps, a walk to McDonald's was all it would take to practice some real yoga and create a different pattern. This is the hard work: keeping an open and fearless heart out in the world.

Yoga is the balance of inhale and exhale, dropping to our knees, allowing another veil of ourselves fall away and then standing back up upon our feet,  fearlessly, as we take what we learn from our stillness and devotion, and offer it back to whomever crosses our path, or knocks at our door. More than an offering of food, what if I really took time to listen? In the word of Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home” and McDonalds could have been the start..

From A Dream

she is beautiful; mysterious 

she suffers and mourns, but moves in graceful waves. Dancing her pain back to the earth as she tosses her long limbs and dark hair. Speaking a language I do not understand..

he understands; dark and wise; 

I Watch

him, watching her, with a fiery gaze that could permeate any body of water. 

I See

her resist him the way I mold my feet into the sand and strengthen my connection to earth resisting the ocean’s current pulling me forward into it;
until finally, the force is too much.

I am swept beneath.

she is swept onto him. Their bodies become one.

I Feel

they weave like vines, I am one with them intertwined, We are One.

I Wake

cheeks wet, heart pounding a beat between loss and love, body shaking; 

trying to resist, and knowing we are held.

Dancing on the shadows

I fell in love with yoga because it showed me how many boxes I had locked myself in, losing sight my authentic self completely. It taught me that nothing is good or bad on its own, but only when measured against truth, intent, and greater good.

At first it was quite scary to begin breaking down boxes but soon it became exhilarating! At times I can become like the Hindu Goddess, and ego shatterer, Kali, hardly able to control myself.

Still, as a woman, sometimes I get asked to crawl back into my box.  And sometimes I think about crawling back in, all by myself.  But here is my response to that..

Be careful what you ask for, because in trampling out all the negative thoughts I had about myself, I trampled on all the negative thoughts I had about you. In stomping on the judging thoughts about who I was I stomped out the judgements I had made about you. In dancing on the shadows of doubt, and learning to love myself, I started loving you.

When we break down the boxes and walls we build around ourselves, to keep us safe, we break down the barriers we’ve built against each other and we begin to really practice yoga.

If you are my teacher and I am yours, let us not ask anything of each other, just sync your breath to mine and be here. Like we were when we were kids, not swayed by the judging mind, not trying to be something else, and not far from the wisdom we had before. Sharpen your sword of love and cut down any over grown ideas that strangle your true path and keep us from walking it together.

photo by Taya Smyth, Costa Rica

The Space Between

Many of us have experienced it in our lives.. The “something missing” the miss-alignment, and feeling that something isn’t quite whole.  And we have all experienced the opposite. The moment when the gap is filled by a beautiful sunset, or the moment when two souls fall in love.

The alchemy of life is that this feeling crumbles and once again we feel lost in space. We quicken, and in haste, search for the next sunset, lover, or melody that will bring us to that exact place again.  It isn’t about recreating moments.  It is about those times when the unknown becomes familiar.  On a recent trip to India I was surrounded by a culture so opposite of anything I have ever experienced, yet it was the most familiar place I have ever been.

It is like that the first time we see our beloved or birth a child. A familiarity that fills that space. Still these moments always end. The trip always has an end from that perspective. How do we end the cycle of samsara? (The ups and downs and cycle of life)

When we begin to realize that the emptiness is familiar too.  When we quicken to be in silence the way we quicken to be with our beloved.  When we become the beloved.

I think the buddhist have it right by speaking emptiness, which never sat well with me, being a “glass half full” kind of girl. In our rajasic(fast passed nature) society we tend to see emptiness as a bad thing. These teachings help create a familiarity where us as humans, but especially Americans are not familiar.

I remember thinking as a young girl that I didn’t have much time and that every day I had to be better than the day before, but in a very superficial way, like more successful or my waist must look skinner every day to show that I am improving.

We all have the inherent want to better ourselves and to be good, but we need to redifine what good is.

I have made peace with the cycle of life. Life is not as linear as we would like to think. We may not always make more money this year than last, or be more athletic or witty. But in shedding our old conditioned ways, we do have an opportunity to be more authentic, and more accepting of the cycle of the human experience.

 Search for the familiar in all experiences and find comfort there. To end the cycle of pleasure vs. pain, we bring the bodymind back into a state of neutral.  Like a mother craddeling the crying baby back to a state of ease.  Seeing that all is sacred, even the space between that doesn’t have to be filled.

Here is a practical breathing application that I like to use to remind me of the cycle of life and the wholeness that it is.

Coming into a comfortable seated posture. Breath in and out through the nose, focusing on the breath along the spine. As we inhale up to the crown of the head, pause and notice that feeling of fullness and your relationship to that. Exhale down the spine. Pause at the bottom of the exhale. Feel what it feels like to be empty. Notice your relationship to that. Repeat for 2-3 minutes and try to notice if after time you see no difference between the turning of the breath, one continuous flow. Where fullness and emptiness are one.

The Yoga Diet

Photo: Whole Foods.com

I have seen many fad diets over the past 20 years, since picking up my first book on health, Fit for Life, at the age of 16.  Since then I have tried food combining, Eating for my blood type, and tried on even more labels, such as, Fruitatarian, Macrobiotic, Paleolithic, Raw Foodie, Vegan, Omnivore, Vegetarian, Gluten Free, Gluten and Casein Free.  It may also come as no shocker, that within this constellation of food experiments, paired with unhealthy self-esteem, that an eating disorder erupted to further the complicate this already complicated relationship I was in, with Food.  There are as many different diets out there as there are religions, and in a way our diet is like a religion.  There is always a new list of commandments you don’t do to be HEALTHY which equals GOOD. The popular diets and beliefs take over the consumer market.  Gluten is the newest EVIL in the religion of health.  And companies catch on quickly to line the shelves with products catering to our newest set of beliefs. If we ingest Gluten we are BAD or at least feel bad, as I have told myself for the past 2 years, but if we eat super foods we are GOOD and will feel super human.  On a recent trip to whole foods I happened to be in the aisle with a woman that was new to gluten free.  There were 3 employees, opening different packages of gluten free cookies and letting us sample them. (I love whole foods) Of course I tried every one they offered, because it was FREE. I left the store with a sugar hangover, wondering if it was really a good idea to eat all of these sugar-filled, refined foods just because the gluten free industry has found a way to make them taste even better than the real deal, in some instances.  I started to wonder what it is I was being fed, and if the information was true to me.
Through my years of practicing yoga I began the study of Ayurveda, a sister science to Yoga, that teaches us how to live life. Ayurveda told me exactly what I wanted to hear in a moment the pendulum was swinging from, “There is only One Way to be radiantly healthy to I am no longer putting a label on myself when it comes to my relationship with food!”  I no longer believed and believe there could be just ONE way for the complexity of our human bodies.  Ayurveda told me that it was ok to eat meat if I needed some grounding, something that the sister science of Yoga and other philosophies have claimed to be bad. It explained why I craved eating raw during the summer months.  It told me that there is not going to be one diet for every body or even one way for your body your whole life or even every season.  Now I am consumer and practitioner of science of Ayurveda.  Still, it is my yoga practice that has given me the most insight into myself and the world, and has healed the struggles I had in my early twenties with an eating disorder. Yoga has taught me to not be a consumer of fads and ever changing diets and beliefs, rather to believe in myself.  Food is a way to experience the moment, sensations, and mostly nurturing my RELATIONSHIP with myself and the earth. Ayurveda has taught me to keep my body like a smooth running machine so that if I eat a little gluten or dairy, I still feel good. Yoga has taught me, if I eat too many cookies in the whole foods gluten free aisle, I don’t have to run 10 miles to burn them off.  Many times when I am seeing students for nutritional counseling we end up working on forgiveness, self-esteem, and savoring their life.  What we eat is only part of the puzzle, because we are multi-dimensional beings.  It takes more than the perfect meal to make us feel nourished.  How is your relationship with food?  What is happening on the mental and emotional level? Are you feeling integrated and deeply connected with yourself, and with nature?  This is The Yoga Diet Mantra… “I Know that I am FULL and Happy and am not looking for anything outside of myself.”  In the words of my teacher David Frawley, “The consumer is consumed.”

Soul Mate (inspired by Venus transit)

I Gaze into the reflection of the window
My eyes
Reflecting off the pane of glass
The separation that sends a shiver of pain
Through me; into me
The crevices, distortions, haze and imperfections within the glass
They obscure me from seeing clearly
I soften to gaze deeper
and Awake to the reflection of you
I feel your gaze upon me, within me
Our hands meet
Our lips press
Against the glass; Smooth and Cold
Until the the heat from your soul meets mine.
As it intersects in the space between; The space where we are one
Our heat shatters the pane between us.
Shards of glass fall like rain drops; to the earth beneath us.
We gaze into the reflection of each other
One Love

How to Raise Spiritually Balance Kids

Having opened a yoga school 3 years ago, working day and nice with fierce passion, finally finding what feels like my dharma, up to this point anyway….a few things have been neglected. For example, romantic vacations with the hubby where we lay in the sand half naked and drinking margaritas all day. now involve me teaching yoga in tropical places,  having discussions on dharma, artha, kama, and moksa, and entertaining a group of yogis all week long.  Great stuff but can take a little of the spark away! Family vacations have also fallen to the wayside, and my 6 year old was starting to question this, reminding me, that we promised we would go back to Disney when she was 6 and her sister was 3, three years ago. She was right on schedule, and I wanted to be truthful to her, because to me, the number one rule in parenting, is to follow through with your word.  I looked up from my computer and told her to pray about it because we didn’t have enough money right now, but if she prayed and believed it would most likely work out. 

Less than a month later we have our room booked and we are driving to Disney next week. Wow, powerful manifestor, these little ones are. I want to teach her to have faith and that she is a co creator, but how do I make sure I do not cross the lines into the spiritual materialism many of us have encountered over the past decade. 

Other comments I have heard this week are “Me and God did this.”-Cool she sees herself as a co-creator!! And then… “Mom, some kids don’t know Jesus…. Or Santa Claus..”

STRIKE. There is was, the confusion that I knew would kick in at some point coming from a family of Yogi/Philosophers who are more spiritual than religious, having an evangelical Christian grandmother, and an Atheist Grandfather who was mocking me in my head since I heard the statement comparing Jesus to Santa Claus.

I went from teaching her to have faith and being a co-creator, to teaching that God is like Santa Claus, oh and by the way you will find out once day that all adults are big LIARS.  Even though my #1 parenting advice is truthfulness.  All I could in that moment, surrounded by the image of my family (in my mind) laughing, shaking their heads in disapproval of what a lousey mother I was, was to look her deep in the eyes, lump in my throat, and say,” well honey they are not really the same thing.”  Thankfully the comments stopped there, for now. 

I have since decided that all I can teach her is to be strong in her relationships. Her relationships with Faith, with God, and with the Gifts we receive. 

I paid off my car last week and received an overpayment check of .02 Cents. My husband laughed, and almost threw it away. To me it was important to make the trip to the bank and deposit that check because it represents my relationship with receiving gifts and abundance in my life.  We shouldn’t reject the gifts that come into our lives, we should go to the source of the gift with Gratitude weather it is from Santa, the Bank, or the Divine.   It always goes back to the Divine. I will continue to teach my daughters the Truth, and that is, when we are Grateful and Faithful we just may discover our strength and feel a glimpse of just how much we are Loved. As for the Santa Myth, I will deal with that later.

Learn Yoga and Become a Jedi!

I was having lunch at our local food co op the other day, and started having a conversation with a guy I had seen around a couple of times, about yoga. The topic of yoga usually comes up in conversations with me, with anyone willing to talk about it.  It is the topic of conversation that I have a tendency to light up at more than any other, begin a self proclaimed “asana addict”. Yet this person threw me a curve ball when he asked, “have you ever been illuminated,” after less than 5 minutes of conversation and no alcohol involved.  WTF!! When did this become typical conversation for a Thursday afternoon, with someone you just met?  I didn’t know if I should rejoice in that kind of spiritual interest or be pissed off.  I chose the latter.

My teachers warned me to not get caught up in the circus tricks of yoga, and my inner Guru teaches me to let go of results, so when I see students striving to attain siddhis, special powers, through the practice of yoga, I get discouraged. I feel like  they are missing the point, the same way the student coming just for the yoga butt, is missing the point.  I see the pendulum swing from one extreme to the other.

  

As Yogis, we should evolve into practices, just for the sake of the subtle bodies, because our subtle bodies are what govern our physical, mental, and emotional health, and to be a Yogi means to be rooted in Self.  But I do not care for any special Jedi tricks or powers, most of the time. 

Even if I have been illuminated it wouldn’t be something I would share, there, in our 5 minutes of getting to know each other.  This would only cause separation, unless of course he had a similar experience, and then I would think he was nuts.

The kundalini awakening that is sought after by many intrigued students of yoga, is often short lived and leaves the body completely wacked. In the past, if it happened and a student wasn’t ready, an Ayurvedic Practitioner could help in returning balance to the physical and mental bodies.

As I witness the shift of consciousness in the world from materialism to spirituality, I am sure we will have more conversations about this. A refreshing change from, “what teacher will give me the best workout.” However, we should make sure our intentions are pure, and that we don’t just swing to spiritual materialism.

Just as we should not compare the shapes of our postures, we should not compare the brightness of our souls.

 We come as spiritual seekers and each of our paths are as differently shaped as the bones in our bodies.  We all have the ability to become illuminated not from some special yoga mudra, pranayama, or vigorous asana practice, but by choosing faith, devotion, and connection.   A wise one once said, Once I became Enlightened I never met another person that wasn’t. 

My Irish Ode

When Saint Patrick’s day rolls around there are usually a few things on my mind:  Hanging with my dad, drinking Guinness, anniversary of when chris and I became “official”, green silk camis, and hanging with my sister on her 21^st birthday because that was the first time we had met a full blooded Irishmen!! It was a bit of a disappointment when he claimed I was a FookIng disgrace for pouring a Guinness with bubbles, and claimed that I would be in trouble if I wasn’t married. (whatever that means)Little did he know I found him a prepubescent, pissin drunk boy. The only thing that made him cool in the slightest was that he was truly Irish. I am just a American half-ly Irish girl, and always have been.   Anyways, this unforgettable 21^st birthday was the night when my sister and I coined the term  Hiya Paddy! Something that is only funny between sisters and after several cocktails , but comes up every st paddy’s day.

This year is different. All I can think about it my grandfather, who past away this February, and the best complement I ever received from anyone…

I sat by his side, as he was suffering and ending his long journey with cancer, and he said “You really are a beautiful Irish lass”  He was still a charmer and full of it, but anyone that knows me as Dani, not Vani, the teacher, knows that flattery will get you everywhere.

God knows I am not nearly as Irish as grandpa but I have learned a few things from him about being Irish. , and it really isn’t about Guinness, green silk camis, and Irish boys at all. 

I learned that to be Irish is to be resilient; To be emotional, there is no middle ground like there is in Yoga.  It is either lovin or fighten. The Irish love God and trust Him to do all the work because, well, he is God and we are human. So we can sit back, enjoy a beer, and screw up as much as we want.  I learned to go to church, and to make sure everyone else goes to church,  but to find God in nature. The Irish don’t need much to be happy; just a little log cabin, a dog, a beer, and family. But mostly, family. They are just a little bit mystic.  I remember grandpa calling Wisconsin God’s country as he would go for long walks and soak up the green.  He didn’t drink a ton(when I knew him), but he would drink a beer, and cheers to family, ritual, and calling one another out on their bullshit.  It is said that The Irish people are a fair folk, they never speak well of one another, but that wasn’t true. I will hold on to grandpa’s compliment forever, because like a true Irishman he knew how to exaggerate like the rest of them.  Most of all I learned that the Irish are loved and lovers.

 My Grandpa and Katie

I’ll leave you with a quote from the eminent Historian Carl Wittke on the Irish Temperament.

"The so-called Irish temperament is a mixture of flaming ego, hot temper, stubbornness, great personal charm and warmth, and a wit that shines through adversity. An irrepressible buoyancy, a vivacious spirit, a kindliness and tolerance for the common frailties of man and a feeling that 'it is time enough to bid the devil good morning when you meet him' are character traits which Americans have associated with their Irish neighbors for more than a century."

A Breeze of Consciousness

Have you ever caught a moment of pure bliss, it washes over as you are driving, maybe on a sunny afternoon? The moment is as sweet, as it is gone in a flash. Still something has shifted within you just from having had the experience of remembering. When captivated in this state of joy it is difficult to notice sensations in the body. It is an “other-worldly” experience. It is consciousness, our true essence that is joy.  We are continually chasing happiness using our senses to try to bring us closer to this state, but it exists beyond the senses. We long for this freedom, because it is the truth of who we are. And when we get glimpses through this window of meaning, it keeps us seeking.

As Seekers we dance with the idea of freedom as we kiss our lovers lips, indulge in our senses, or listen to our favorite song(I love music that makes me feel like I am flying).  How do we free ourselves of duality and fluctuations between consciousness and unconsciousness, and slide into Truth.

Like Surfers, we can only know how to ride theses waves of bliss. Knowing that there is no lover to be kissed except for the one truth we all share, no sense that can be indulged permanently, and the only song that goes on forever is the one playing in your soul.

We had our first warm day this week where i live in Indiana. Unusually warm, as it was 77 degrees in mid March. As most people drove with windows down, tops rolled back, or got their motorcycles and jogging strollers out; I wondered how many people were experiencing moments of bliss, or "flight", as their favorite song blasted through the speakers and wind blowed through their hair. 

Then I noticed a few scattered cars with their windows rolled up and I was pissed!!  How could they block themselves off from such a beautiful day. As my compassionate side tried to think up excuses for them,  I became more outraged. There is no excuse for such misconduct.  This was true scandal…not the usual blah blah drama that irritates us.

As humans we block ourselves from the light all of the time. We prevent our souls from taking flight like they were meant to.

We can’t fly if we are anchored down by Fear, Ego, Refusal, or Attachment, The four veils that color the truth of our souls, and are usually at play during any given moment of the day. 

The practice of yoga is to help us remove these veils that distort our true nature(joy) and wear our hearts on our sleeves.

A practice that I try to do each day, around these veils of illusion(avidya), that helps me to be more real and enjoy being ALIVE...

1.     Fear-Do something that scares you. Fear is just excitement without the breath.-Fritz Perls

2.     Ego-Be compassionate. Practice Non-Judgement. Know that if you were that person, with their past and karmas, you would be doing the same thing.

3.     Refusal-If my first reaction is a big NO to something I know to pause and think it through, most of the time it needs to be a YES to LIFE.  I am not speaking about the voice of intuition that tells us no, but the voice of denying transformation and living our dharma.

4.     Attachment-The spiritual practice is always about letting go. Deep breathing and softening help me to let things flow out of my life just knowing this is freeing me up for sweeter fruits.

A mind held too tightly is like a window rolled up on the most beautiful day of the year so far.

A mind held too relaxed is one that steers us out of control.  A mind held not to tightly or too relaxed is the way of yoga.  The shift is happening for us to move beyond yogic concepts to embodying this way of being, but you have to open some windows and let the breeze touch your spirit. 

Practice the above when you can, enjoy the waters of life, and maybe you will be set free to feel more ALIVE. 

We dive in and out of consciousness and we dive in and out of this world. Sometimes we meet here and sometimes we meet there. Today we are separate and tomorrow we are one. 

Here is a great playlist of  summertime music me and my loves put together. Enjoy next time you are driving with the window DOWN on these beautiful days..And let us know your favorite tune to listen to on a warm summer day.

Clocks - Coldplay                       

Sunrise - Norah Jones

Fallin’ For You  -Colbie Caillat                                   

Collide -Howie Day

Let Go -Frou Frou

Fireflies-Owl City

Brand New Day  -Joshua Radin          

Sugar Magnolia -Grateful Dead

The Boys of Summer-Don Henley                                                           

Flowers in the Window -Travis                                   

Caring is Creeping - The Shins.

It’s a Summer Night-Flash Cadillac

Beautiful World-Colin Hay

Yoga, Shit, and the Practice of Ahimsa

Ahimsa(non-violence) is the first Yama. We know that Yoga means relationship, and Yama is the relationship that we have to everything in the world. Our relationship to the world is a mirror of our relationships to ourselves.  

"For a person who has experience his Buddha nature, he sees the Buddha nature in everyone. For a person who is full of shit, he sees everybody as a pile of shit." -Dharma Master Fo Yin in his conversation with the infamous poet Su Dong Po(A.D. 1037-1101)

 What does this mean to us? Maybe it gives us some insight on how to put up with that annoying co-worker and the person, or press, that keeps slamming the practice that has transformed our lives, maybe it means to just cut off those that challenge us? What the dharma master is saying is that yoga starts within. Yoga begins with awareness, and that awareness, has to start with ourselves.  It begins with our Yoga(relationship) to ourselves and from there will spill over into your other relationships. Lately yoga has gotten a lot of bad press. There have been books and articles written about the stress that yoga can put on our bodies, scandal within the yoga community exposing teachers' "dark sides."  First of all, How can Yoga wreck our body!? Yoga means relationship. Relationships can wreck us only if our intentions are not pure. Think again to that co-worker, when we try to change them and their actions we just strengthen that which is causing turmoil within us in the first place.  When we work on ourselves the co-worker doesn't change but our projections and needs for them to turn into someone else does.  Yoga is an internal practice and as a society growing in materialism, many of us have made it an external practice. We can't help ourselves, we're Americans! We have turned yoga teachers into rockstars and then we get mad at them for sleeping around! These things happen to wake us up, to get a conversation started, and to tear down our walls and expose our hearts(something that takes years of yoga practice to accomplish). Set the intention of love and kindness today, set the intention on your "inner guru" and intuition, and "Self-center" instead of being self-centered. Whatever we set our intention towards expands in our lives. When you come to your mat, set the intention for Ahimsa(non-harming), especially if you are a type A personality. Set the intention today to be kinder to yourself on your yoga mat, to listen to what your body, mind and Soul needs are, and to nurture your Self. These problems in the yoga community are not because of Yoga, it is because we are humans practicing yoga.  It is the reason we came to yoga in the first place!! As Bryan Kest says,"you can take what you learn on your mat and apply it to your life, or you can take what you do in life, and turn your yoga into shit!"  Turns out Bryan Kest and the Dharma master Fo Yin had a similar message. 

Ahimsa(non-violence/kindness) is the highest dharma(law). Ahimsa is the best tapas(austerity). Ahimsa is the greatest gift. Ahimsa is the highest self-control. Ahimsa is the highest sacrifice. Ahimsa is the highest power. Ahimsa is the highest friend. Ahimsa is the highest truth. Ahimsa is the highest teaching.--Mahabharata

The 5 Must Haves this Holiday Season.

Think back to when you were a child.  There was a time before all of us had attachments to our blankets, stuffed animals, or favorite toy. Most of us can’t remember this far back, but it was the time when we saw our parents, not as separate, but rather an extension of us. It was a time when we felt joy with just a few essential things.  The desires of the world that preceded this time have caused either our suffering or have given us the drive for our blessings, but now it is time to go back to the essentials.  What were the first 5 things we had that brought us joy, from as far back as the womb, and do you and those you pass on the street have them this Holiday.

1   A warm place to stay

2  Nourishment

3   Rest

4   Play

5    Love

Rather than getting the impossible gift for the person that has everything this year, why not bond together with them and make sure that everyone you meet has the top 5 first.  Lets remember a time when we didn’t believe that we were separate or know that there were objects of the world to desire other than these things, because I guarantee that some people who appear to have it all are missing some of the essentials this year.  

Play

Catholic to Tantric

Confession time from this asana addict…I am a catholic wannabe from way back!!  Born to hippie parents that knew little boundaries or ritual, though a house that valued laughter and tradition. I longed for the structure and reverence and parents that would force me to go to church like my best friends’ parents did.  My grandfather would pick up my sister and I some Sundays and take us to church. I looked around at the bodies moving up and down trying to keep up the way I did the first time I entered a yoga class. Are we kneeling or are we standing? Sitting or kneeling? How is my alignment?  I tried to follow the prayers that everyone else had memorized, feeling like I would never fit into the "cult-like" group.  However confused and judging of myself I became, during this ritual, the whole experience  would leave me exhilarated and full. I loved singing out at the top of my lungs to God. I was sure I would grow up to be a nun(haha). My days of wanting to be Catholic have changed a bit since being convinced by my husband to join before we were married, during the one point in my life when I was just not interested.(timing is everything-i was a very bad catholic girl!) I still love our Catholic church we attend once in awhile, with our priest that looks like Santa Claus, the rituals, that I now have memorized, the pew sun salutations, and singing(although I love chanting in sanskrit much more) I think this is why the "Catholic wannabe" in me is so drawn to the study of  Tantric Shaivism, the direction my sadhana(daily practice) is leading me to these days. The mantras, the ritual, the breath, Oh my! Some of my friends still think that Tantra is about sex…it certainly makes it a lot more interesting to think about in these terms.  After all, most of us remember the first time that we made love…the confusion, amazement, and rapture of it all.  Or the first kiss.. wet, weird, and the thoughts of “Am I doing it right,” even though we had practiced on our hands or at the mirror hundreds of times before the actual act with Jeremy Peacock(hmm.. maybe that is why I can't stand peacock pose).  Or for me the first time I practiced vinyasa, much like dancing, laying in savasana(relaxation) at the end of class with a feeling that I had been through a storm and was shipwrecked, washed up on the beach, and now laid there not know what just happened, or who I was, but here now.. alive. This is why I am an addict of asana, love, and devotion, and why the rituals and practice of Tantra are certainly appealing to me.  The breath and sound rituals are the way that we can access the present moment. The average adult breathes approximately 21,600 times a day. Each one of these breaths is an opportunity to feel alive and experience this moment unlike any other!  In a world of to do lists, which sometimes include our yoga practice, tea with friends, and being with our beloved, as things we check off at the end of the day, we all need these reminders and rituals to pause and be alive in these experiences. We all remember the first time we do something new, but how often do we remember the last.  Will we remember the details of the last time that we make love as much as the first, or the last kiss as much as the first(Yuck) or the last conversation with our wise friend or grandfather.

Each moment we breath-in we have the ability within us to be enlightened, which means awake. The pause is what helps us remember. 

“The question is not will I ever become enlightened, rather can I become enlightened right now.” – Chris Tompkins

When we enter into the present moment even a leaf falling from the branch of a tree, seems to hold all of the joy and suffering of the human race.  It floats softly, sparkly, circular... following the pattern of our breath.  What if we all remembered at the same time?  Maybe the Mayan calendar would be true and time would cease to exist.  And then!?  As a wise one once said, “What happen’s after enlightenment? Laundry!”.

Here and There

Far Away

I am searching for you

Waiting, Restless

Looking here and there, not knowing

Unaware

I have forgotten

Still searching

For you, For Love

Random images, confusion

Flash like scenes from a dream

Far Away

You are watching

Waiting, Restless

I sit, Motionless

I feel you ripple through me

The way waves caress each piece of sand on the shore

Each cell in my body is bathed by your light, your beauty

Alive

Full of love, Ecstasy

I remember

I shutter, quake

Awake

Eyes Open, I sleep

Searching

Still Searching

Far Away, and Knowing

Here Now

The World doesn’t Happen to US..It Happens Because of us..Just Imagine!!

Wherever you go, you carry your own imagination.  Even if you go to heaven, you won’t be able to see it as heaven if there is a hell in your heart.  If you have a heaven in your heart, you would even enjoy hell.  Yes it’s true. Because you would see heaven there. It is all up to you.

            -Swami Satchidananda

This was the passage that I read today at breakfast as I set my intention for the day.  I recently got back from a Prana Flow training in LA.  Back in Fort Wayne, Indiana where everything is so spread out,  missing my daily walks, and no car necessary approach to life, I hesitantly loaded my girls into the car to take them to daycare.  As I turned the key, nothing happened.  I was honestly grateful, because now we were forced to walk to daycare which is only a mile away.

It’s just that, well, we sort of live in the ghetto, and so I usually start my car up to drive them a mile away, and then if I want to go for a walk, drive another half mile to  walk around the beautiful park and golf course.  Today I was forced to take the less sexy or scenic walk. I realized that I was doing something that was not only good for my body, my kids, and the environment, but I couldn’t help but feel down and stressed.  Much less peaceful and present than when I walk through the beautiful park, that I usually drive to, even though it is only a mile away from my home.  I was feeling discouraged about where we live and how the people around us live, thinking that we need to move and judging everyone around me.  My kids were thrilled about the walk, and I was thankful that it wouldn’t take long, since I have a daycare provider so close.  As we walked, and I judged, my 5 year old pointed to a home that we passed, you know the neighbor that has several porcelain figures, planters, and a bathtub alter with mother Mary, set up in the yard ..look mom…cool!! They have so much cool Halloween stuff ready, then she pointed down to a shiny 3 musketeers wrapper in another neighbors yard(my kids don’t really know what candy bar wrappers look like)”Look at that beautiful flower mom!”  I reflected on the passage that I began my day with.  Wherever you go, carry your own imagination.

It is easy to be inspired, feel sexy, and look younger, when we get out of our everyday lives and habitual ways of living. Like when we go on a vacation, go on a yoga retreat, or wake up on a beach or a mountain top.   But how do we do this in our every day lives?  How do we stop grasping for something other than where we are right now, and live and love every moment.  We use our imagination.  I started using mine, and began “picking flowers” on the way home.  Not only was I cutting down on toxins in the environment today by not being able to turn on my car, I was helping to make my neighborhood a more beautiful place.  Instead of obsessing about the new sexy Chevy Volt that I want, to show what a great yogi I am, I embrace being able to use my legs and hands for serving those around me. To serve those that may not have the time, health, or inspiration to clean up their own yard.  As for the home with the Halloween décor all over the yard, well..at least it makes my daughter excited, and I have an alter at home too, we are not so different.  It doesn’t matter weather we are laying on a beach in LA or walking through the ghetto on a drizzly day.  If you are joyful you experience joy, wherever you are.  What matters is how we walk this walk, and if we are reaching out to inspire and uplift others along the way. Be the one to capture something new today, to see something different than you usually do, and to carry your imagination with you.  Change the, sometimes mundane, walk through life, into a path of beauty and wonderment.  It’s all up to you.

Be Joy! Wherever you are!!

How Yoga Made Me a Terrible Runner

As I climb on the treadmill today the familiar-faced gentlemen beside me says, ”Hi Dani! You’re still running?” Looking surprised to see my yoga bum at the YMCA. Well I am standing on a treadmill with my worn out sneakers, so he is obviously referring to something else…

I think to myself, what has happened to me! I used to be a “Runner”. Has yoga affected my ability to run? Yes, and it has affected my ability to flee. For most of my life, my water-like persona has been to run from one endeavor to the next. Shape shifting into what “I thought” everyone else wanted from me. It is much easier to shy away from our selves than to face the truth. We are all running from something at sometime or another on this path, and quite frankly running is exhausting, and can never satisfy the soul. In the words of Carbon Leaf, “it takes the courage of a lamb to run, the fierceness of a storm to love.” I used to think that to love was to be weak…weak in the knees, weak-willed, week stomached with the floating butterflies. I would like to thank Walt Disney for the role model of the female princess, so soft and feminine that a bird will land on her finger as she sings in her angle like voice. I still get so excited when the little squirrel that visits my front porch for the few walnuts I leave, comes to visit me, just so I can imagine I have that certain grace, and nurturing, goddess energy, that animals flock to for comfort and companionship. And thank you even more for the thought that I am the type that falls all over herself, and into the arms of the man, whom without, I would be incomplete.
Many times we end up searching outside of ourselves for everyone and everything to give our power to. It takes incredible strength to own our power, be fully ourselves, and a constant awareness that we are not falling back into those habitual thought patterns that our society, and Walt, have left impressed into our subconscious. Through my yoga practice I have found my core beliefs and strength, and it is earth shaking to finally realize this that is inherently ours.
If there are two things I want my daughters to learn from my parenting, or anyone else in life, it is that they are powerful and loved beyond what they could ever imagine.
Rumi sends a much more positive message to our soul that I’ve witnessed through the practice of yoga…”The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

It takes courage to be a vessel for this type of love.
If we stop running… what happens when we stay? When we stay in a difficult yoga pose…the sensations change and transform. But only if you are honest and aware of what you are feeling. In order to stay you have to be fully in touch with your emotions, even if they are socially unacceptable or unpopular. This is the most difficult part when you are a recovering people pleaser like myself. Really feel what you are feeling. How often do we do this? We are usually too busy or the timing is not right to acknowledge what we feel, or we let our judging mind determine whether it is a good or bad to feel this way. Just stop, and really feel what you are feeling today. It may not be popular, and it will most likely be uncomfortable, but it is the truth. To try to reason with our emotions is the biggest way to flee from our lives, as you take a back seat to your mind and emotions playing a game of tug of war. This can become a continuous inner struggle unless we let go of the rope, feel what we are feeling, and then move on purpose with purpose.
“Reason is like an officer when the king appears. The officer then loses his power and hides himself. Reason is the shadow cast by God; Go is the sun.”-rumi
When Walt thaws out, I would like to see him write a story about the Princess that saves herself…

The man on the other treadmill noticed the confusion in my face waiting patiently as I reply “no, I am not still running” turn on my treadmill, put my earbuds in place, and exhaust myself for the next 3 miles.

Why Yogis are OK with being naked

As yoga clothes start to resemble lingerie ads, nude yoga calendars are being printed, and I hear chatter of my students discussing their nude beach experience, I start to wonder what it is with naked yogis. Is it that they want to show off their “yoga buns”? I have bought into some of this myself (mostly the feminine looking yoga outfits) and although I consider myself a “free spirit,” the thought of baring all makes me a little flush in my cheeks. Am I a prude, and why are yogis so comfortable with this?
This brings me back to an interesting experience I encountered in my early twenties with a guitar teacher of mine. Let’s call him “Harry” to protect his identity. I began taking guitar lessons at the request of my then boyfriend (Chris) in hopes that we could form a rock band together. Although I was feeling “too old” and insecure to begin learning an instrument, I put my fear aside and went for it, getting the highest recommended yoga teacher in town. Each week when I showed up for my lesson, I felt anxious and exposed, due to my own lack of confidence. As the lessons progressed and I began feeling more comfortable, it seems harry was too. Yes it is true… I showed up for my lesson and Harry was the one who was exposed (naked)this week. After a moment, an apology for forgetting about my lesson, and a quick change we proceeded as usual. I thought to myself, “Wow, who would have known he was a nudist.” I went back the next week. Same thing. This time it was “laundry day”. I left vowing to never return, but being coaxed into it by my boyfriend, who didn’t fully believe me (and would have much rather had the Janice Joplin, than the Seane Corne type) went back a third time. Needless to say (since I am not a famous guitarist) I didn’t go back again. In fact, I quit playing guitar because in my avidya(illusion) I thought it was Harry’s way of telling me I was not a worthy guitar student, because I had NO rhythm. I have never been one to judge others, only myself. THANKFULLY Yoga has helped me turn away from this judging mind and feel more comfortable in my SKIN. Maybe not to the extent of sitting naked on the beach (although I would like to think I could) and the nude yoga classes, well they just seem like they would be as awkward as a naked guitar lesson.
Why are many yogis comfortable in the buff..well..I think it is this reason.
I have had students express to me the awkwardness they feel post savasana (deep relaxation) bliss. This is the point where we pause and look deep into each other’s eyes for a moment before bowing our heads in Namaste (light in me-honors the light in you). Here we sit much more exposed than when we are nude. Through the process of yoga, we shed the layers that we put on ourselves or others put on us that lead to our fears and insecurities. We come in to this world naked and pure, like a crystal clear wine glass, and then we get passed around and the imprints began to dim our sparkle. Yoga begins to wipe these smudges away and if we are lucky, we can catch the glimmer that is there…here we sit uncovered, natural, crystal clear. Namaste’

No ADD in Belize

On my recent trip to Belize I was finally forced out of my “comfort zone” that I have been reflecting on so much lately. I am able to cross things off a bucket list I never knew existed! One of them being the amazing Actun Tunichil Muknal tour, otherwise noted as ATM tour on our itinerary. When I signed up, I went with my intuition, trusting this would be the right choice, even though I had no idea what an ATM tour was. For all I knew this would be a place were we could go and pull out some much needed American cash, so I said SIGN ME UP. After all, I was most concerned about teaching some yoga in a beautiful place, and getting the heck out of snow-pocalypse and record lows in Indiana . I found out the night before our tour, at dinner, that this was a 6 hour Cave Tour that we would have to swim to enter the cave. Hmm, so 5 hours with no light, cold, and wet. Though not my usual idea of a good time, I smiled an uncomfortable smile, put my fears on the shelf, and surrendered to the whole experience. Just as you do when you realize that you have just entered a yoga class where the teacher can be likened to the dentist. As we arrived at our destination, we all left our waters, lunch and dry clothing at the picnic area, pulled up a bush for those of us that drank too much coffee, and than headed through the lake and into the cave. At first I thought I could make it in by hugging the wall, and not have to swim and get wet, but since a huge black wall spider had the same idea, needless to say; I dove in, doggy-paddled my way to shallow water, and began the journey into the underworld. I clung to our guide on the way, finding comfort from him. We all had to pass on messages to one another and if one of us failed to do so, someone could have gotten injured. We all became important messengers. There was a great amount of respect and reverence in the way the guide led us through the darkness. He pointed up to a beautiful opening in the cave where sunlight filtered down, and told us to say goodbye to the last bit of light for the next few hours….

Further down our path we came to a place in the cave where a plant grew, 6oo feet down, with no sunlight. “How was this possible?”, we wondered. It had soil, water, and seed from the fruit bat’s excrement. Where was the light it needed? The guide has us turn off our headlamps. It was completely black. We turned them back on, and he said “it is your light.” It made me think that it had to be more than just the artificial light that we wore on the top of our adorable read helmets (see photo). Out of the hundreds of tours here, if we all stop to pay attention to this plant, of course it will thrive.
I thought about the things that I have been paying attention to in my life. Do my thoughts line up with the things I want to flourish?
What we pay attention to, is what expands and grows. Are my thoughts supporting my intention and aim? Ask yourself this question, “Does my mind revolve around worry and fear, or do I focus positive energy on the areas I want to sprout new beginnings in my life?” Even if it begins with a pile of shit, there is possibility for growth…
We made it through the cave to the main area that looked like a Cathedral, saw the famous Mayan pottery and skeletons, and then sat in the Cathedral. There is something about meditation in blackness, opening your eyes, there is still nothing to entertain, nothing to excited the sense of sight, so inward we go…
As we headed back I was much more relaxed and in the moment after meditation, rather than grasping toward warmth, light, and my veggie sandwich. As we passed the plant on the way out, I leaned over and touched the leaves. Trying to give back a little “prana”, for the gratitude I felt, for the reminder to pay attention to what matters. The people in Belize do a great job of paying attention. The kids are happy, the environment is well cared for, the stray animals are plump with shinny coats, and there is vegetation and orange grooves lining every highway. Contrasting our society, where we lack attention as we are multitasking in our superhighway of technology. Attention Deficit Disorder is on the rise, eye contact is no longer the norm…
I take a breath in a country that has the attitude of slow and attentive, and feel peace and joy.
A few days later I am sitting at breakfast enjoying the fresh food and peaceful sounds, as we are preparing to leave the island to return to American soil. Suddenly I am startled by a sound coming from my purse. It was my cell phone (which didn’t have reception the whole week, until this moment) Time to go home…
A place of peace and joy.