Investigating Dah-ni

The only true currency in this bankrupt world… is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool. –Almost Famous

I recently received an email and a phone call from an old neighbor, Sam, that I lived next door in my early twenties. He called me recently, because he had heard about me and the guidance and service I had been offering to his friend through my teachings on yoga. She would often speak of her teacher and friend, DAH-ni. Sam had the image of this tall, ethnic, beauty, as she would always pronounce my name DAH-ni, instead of Dani. Many weeks later, intrigued by the transformation he was witnessing, he wanted to learn more, so he hopped onto our studio website and began perusing the pages. Sam came to the page with my picture and said, “That’s not DAH-ni that’s DAAAAni!” “She was my neighbor!” She’s not the enlightened person you spoke about. She works out like a maniac and her boyfriend, wanna-be rock star, is allergic to weeds. (Here all this time I thought we were pretty cool.) Ahhh, I remember Sam too and the nights my, then boyfriend, Chris would be running around our home shutting windows trying to quiet the sound of Sam karaoking, in his wavering falsetto, to Sarah Mclachlan tunes at the top of his lungs. I secretly loved listening to the tone-def crooning, though. It comforted me, as it was a sound you wouldn’t expect to hear in the middle of our not-so-safe neighborhood, and an affirmation that I was not alone in my “un-coolness”.
As Sam was telling me how he came to realize it was the same person that lived next door, but with a new spark, and about his own spiritual awaking over the years, I couldn’t help but drift into thought, over the mispronunciation of my name and the synchronicity of the new name given to me by one of the Swamis (Renunciate like a nun or a monk) at the Ashram last month. She donned me with the name Vani (pronounced VAH-ni) comes from the Sanskrit word meaning “eloquent in words”, relating to music, “sound, or voice”.
HMMM Vani, DAH-ni. Interesting. I am not certain if I have embodied these qualities fully, but I do know that I have embraced my inner, taller ethnic beauty that is inside this Irish body of mine, and listening to Sam, I realized that he had uncovered something wonderful too, his true nature. Sam I AM.
Transformation
Most of us in the yoga community feel a little nauseated with how much the word transformation is thrown around these days. In fact, I am making myself a little ill right now. Companies have marketed the term to death to sell products promising that you will forever be changed, which of course has the underlying tone that we are not good enough as we are. Still, if some company bottled it and wrapped it in pretty packaging, I’d probably try it, especially if it came in Ginger.

I can’t speak for Sam, but I am still not any cooler. What has happened through love, life, loss, and most of all my yoga practice, is that I’ve become comfortable in my own skin. For me, yoga has been the process of uncovering what is already there and knowing that I am enough, and that is a very cool realization. Beware of your Svadyaya (Self-Study), one of Niyamas, or “observances” in yoga. Your inner traits may look a little bigger or even a little darker than the corky Irish persona, or whatever you have been hiding behind, but to experience your true nature, is bliss.
This can be a challenging task, when the reality is most of us are afraid to really explore the depth of our souls. It means we have to be OK with the fact that we are not perfect, we have to forgive others, and even scarier, ourselves; we may even have to visit some dark places, before we can fully embrace the light.
When we stop listening to the beliefs that others have put on us about who we are, and especially when we surrender our own misconceptions about who we are, can we begin to experience truth. So dig deep into the sea of you heart, use the tools of yoga, or whatever spiritual practice you have embarked on, to begin to remove the veil of illusion, and walls of separation.
Beginning by stepping out of the story(drama) that has been created, either for you or by you, and forget about your ideas of how you want to be perceived … Then Practice this attitude daily.. Honesty in your mind, Sincerity in your spirit, and a knowing, that you are loved.
Vani

Fear and the Vaginal Protection Program

Cesarean rates are at an alarming high in this country, one of the reasons being that women in the US are not given the option of having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) as often they are in other countries. I was pleased to have received a call and email from a local VBAC support group wanting me to speak about the benefits of prenatal yoga. Prenatal yoga can be a wonderful tool for empowering woman and helping them work with their bodies in the birthing process. I also have my own personal experiences to share from my two extremely different births. The first being a terrifying labor lasting 44 hours in the hospital and finally having my daughter being pulled out of me with the use of forceps and the body weight of the doctor using all his might. My husband watching in horror as the doctor had little respect for, in his words, “His favorite toy.”
Dr. Forceps then proceeds to tell us that if I ever happened to get pregnant again I would have to be scheduled a c-section. Three years later…empowered from the connection with my own body and baby, through the practice of yoga, I was able to deliver the baby into my midwives arms without the use of drugs. I would have opted for a home birth the second time had I not believed the doctor to some extent that my body was not capable of birthing a baby safely and should just schedule a c section, however I was intuitive enough to not let them induce me (being 9 days overdue) and believed I could have a natural delivery.
After juggling my over extending schedule and some back and forth emails with the coordinator of the VBAC support group, I decided that I would find a sub for my weekly class and offer my support and knowledge to these woman for one of the most important moments of their lives. I surrendered my previous commitment to my students, set the date, and hit send on the email. Much to my surprise the response that I received this time was much different than the “Delightful!! We meet at…”. The vibe had changed to “I just checked out your website and I am concerned about the Eastern aspect of yoga. I had been under the impression that it was just a really great stretching regimen. Sorry to take up your time.”

My mind came to a screeching halt as if I were about to witness a car crash, and then I felt this flush of anger rush through my veins. I have to admit that I don’t regularly get to feel this emotion, laid back people pleaser that I am, and it was quite exhilarating. (For those of you that have kids and have seen the movie Enchanted. I resemble the cheesy Giselle character when she gets angry.) Where was this anger really coming from? Maybe from my experience of how yoga helped me with one of the most empowering moments of my life… to experience an ecstatic natural childbirth. To think that these woman would not be able to get the information and choose for themselves did make me angry. VBAC group leader was deciding for them, just like the doctors decide for them that they need to have a c-section.
It was also my ego. What was this woman thinking of me? Had we met in person she would have seen my similarities instead of my differences, my light instead of some darkness coming from some other side. I’m sure I could have charmed her socks off…
I wonder if she assumes that I am a Hindu that runs around chanting in Sanskrit and wearing a bindi on my forehead. OK, I do love chanting and I have been known to sport a bindi when I am with my Shiva Divas.
Regardless of this, I simply wanted to serve these women, not turn them Hindu. Swami Satchidinanda said, “I am not Hindu, I am Undo.”

It is ironic to me, that a group wanting to make change in the beliefs of the medical community can be so stuck in their own. Why do some doctors push c-sections for a woman once they have had one, not even considering that the second time could be different? FEAR. Why was I uninvited to this group that is supposed to empower woman to make their own choices…FEAR…What keeps us separate from each other? Many times.. FEAR. Empowerment can never come from FEAR. I have people of all faiths come to practice the art and science of yoga with me. When we practice together we realize our similarities instead of our differences. We act from a place of Love not Fear. We leave with a sense of peace and EMPOWERMENT. So yes, yoga is so much more than stretching my dears. Weather I am going to church to pray, or reaching for my toes, I do not want to be separate from God.

As I iron my wraps for the Satchidanada Ashram, where I will be assisting a yoga for cancer teacher training, tomorrow. I reflect further on the reverence and respect for all things, and all people regardless of their beliefs. I imagine the once Catholic nun that now garbs herself in orange that will wake us with her lovely violin music. I think of the Lotus meditation shrine with all of the symbols of the different theologies, welcoming everyone to pray and meditate. I think about how different I pack for this trip, leaving my shoulder bearing dresses that I adore, and high heel shoes for a more modest wardrobe. As I reflect upon this journey that I am on I feel inner peace and acceptance wash over me, fully excepting of what is , grateful for the present moment, the path ahead, and light within. In these things we are all united.

Kisses for Callousness

William P Young, author of The Shack, was on Oprah XM radio the other day talking about Relationship, and the fact that relationship will hurt us more than anything else in this world, but that through relationship we would also discover the healing we needed. I was moved, because I know this to be true in my own life and was able to be a witness to this phenomenon just this morning with my children… As I was sitting at breakfast with them… Brenna (The 4 year old) was pointing her finger in Teaghan’s (The 1 year old), face. Teaghan was smacking her hand away in defense when suddenly she realized that Brenna had a bandage on her finger, symbolizing an “owie”. She stopped defending herself and leaned over to kiss the bandage on her sister’s finger. Instantly, the progressively worsening situation transformed from frustration and anger, into a peaceful moment, and love.
What a great opportunity we have as yogis and yoginis, to take this awareness into action in our world through the practice of yoga. Remembering first, that the back bending we do on our mats is not simply for us to look prettier and more youthful, but to cultivate the quality of compassion in our lives. I have always had a flexible spine and compassionate heart. I am grateful that I was able to realize from a young age that people wanting to cause pain are the ones in pain, and they are just reaching out for help from a place of that pain. I may have taken this ideal to an extreme, as I have often daydreamed that if I was ever in a situation where I was afflicted with an act of violence, I could tap in to the perpetrator’s pain, we would talk, and there would be an opportunity for healing. Yes this scenario is extremely naïve but, I believe, there is truth in it.
About 8 years ago I was accompanying my sister to a building in a fairly bad neighborhood downtown. Why she chose me as her protector, I have no idea. As we entered the building there were some young boys harassing us on the steps, so I turned to them and said in a slightly whiny voice. “Well(pause) why aren’t you very nice to girls.” And then turned and walked away. My sister’s face had a look something between horror and amusement. This story often comes up as entertainment during our family gatherings, but the part that they forget to include is that the young man did actually feel bad, followed us inside, and in “his own way” apologized. I smiled, felt compassion for him, and all was ok. Except for my sister’s embarrassment of having such a dorky older sibling.
Swami Satchidanana says that a happy face is a reflection of our happiness, a sad face a reflection of our sorrow. Therefore relationship must begin with us.
My Grandmother, who most of my family thinks is crazy because she walks around talking to God all day, once told me during one of her conversations with God she heard just one word…RELATIONSHIP.
William P Young talks about the importance of relationship in our lives, and in healing what is in our Shacks.

Yoga means relationship.
For many years I was reckless with the idea of relationship. The idea of relationship with myself, my loved ones, the environment, and God, seemed impossible, even, at times, terrifying. Through the practice of yoga I started nurturing the relationship with myself, and I healed, then I was strong enough to nurture relationships with others and we healed each other.
As I think about my one year old peacemaker, recognizing her sister’s wound, and turning violence into peace with just a kiss, I wonder how far can we, when united, take this concept into our world. I think of how powerful we are together and it gives me hope. Hope for changing the mess we have made with our societal need for wealth and beauty, hope for the mess we’ve made in our friendships and romances, and hope for the mess we have made of our environment. We can start small by being a little kinder to ourselves next time we can’t reach our toes in paschimottanasana (seated forward bend), or pausing to acknowledge the pain of another before lashing out defensively. We can choose to get involved in helping the planet, and stop making excuses. Most importantly we can always be mindful of moving from a place in our hearts, and trust in the truth of love that comes from a kiss of compassion.