Sunday, October 31, 2010

Caution! Road never ends.


I remember several years ago in an Iyengar class, when the teacher looked at me and said, “You know you can never stop now, right?” As someone who has had a hard time sticking with anything in life, I looked over my shoulder, from some bound up position, eyebrow raised, curious about what that comment actually meant. I felt at the time that she was putting curse on me? Almost a decade later, here I am, owning a yoga studio, completing my 500 hr training, having spent a week with this summer with inspirational, Shiva Rea, completing my Mentorship with Jnani Chapman in Yoga Therapy, and receiving a new name(Vani). I take a moment to pause, and wonder what comes next!! As I write this I do realized that I am addicted to yoga, hence the name of this blog. My family members are constantly asking me. So now are you done, right? Don’t you know everything there is to know about yoga? I have to reassure them that this is much different than when I was in college, and continually switched my major, because I couldn’t figure out what I was meant to do. I know it seems odd to them, as it did to me a decade ago, when all I knew is that my body felt amazing after being in those different shapes for an hour. Being a forever student, facinated by the art and science of yoga, I realize that even though I have a few more pieces of paper in my yoga notebook, I still feel like I know almost nothing. I know enough to understand what my first teacher meant. It took me thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of training to realize that Barbara was right! I can never stop! Sill, it doesn’t make any more sense to daddy, who thinks Yoga is a Pyramid Program. In some ways that is what it does look like in America.(A topic for a later discussion perhaps) I am forever grateful to have stumbled into that Iyengar class several years ago, and I am grateful that this journey continues. What comes next…I teach. I get endless amounts of joy from being both a student and a teacher of yoga, and dancing between the two. I have seen other teachers struggle with this as they stop practicing when they become teachers. This is not a sustainable practice. It is important to find balance between the two, if you really want to serve your students. Below is a little practice that I do to help me be in the moment whether I am soaking up the tradition from another, or being a channel through which Yoga can flow.

“When I enter the presence of my teachers I ask to be emptied so that I may receive. When I enter the presence of my students I ask that I may be filled so that I can serve.”
-Dani (Vani)

Friday, October 8, 2010

Stop. Love. Go.

I have been sitting a lot lately. Why? Because my meditation teacher is making me, because I made the commitment to myself to continue after being at the Ashram, and because I am teaching my students about meditation. Fall is a great time to sit, if your energy gets a little erratic with the change of seasons, like mine does. The practice of meditation has gifted me with a chance to find stillness, and a place to stop the chatter in my head, even if only for a moment. The more I practice, the more I notice the practice seaping into other aspects of my life. For example: I will walk around the park taking in the colors of the leaves and their own mysterious erratic energy as they change from green to a bouquet of orange and red. Usually, I would be running around the park just to check off my jog for the day. A refreshing peak into the details of my day, that I would normally rush by, has been a lovely result of committing to sitting. Meditation is a great way for bringing stillness into our worlds and, within that stillness, feel the love that exists within ourselves.

In the midst of this mindful retreat, a friend of mine was going into the hospital for a serious operation, and having been through the cancer journey before, was not sure what to expect on the other side. I received an email with a link to a blog, developed by she and her family, to keep everyone aware of her progress and to organize a healing community around her, during this 8 hour surgery, and the healing beyond. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I witnessed great love, support, and community, proving that she is not alone on this walk. Her own strength and beauty, reflected in her words on my computer screen, were an inspiration and teacher to me. I thought about our technology, and how separate it makes us. Yet, here is an opportunity to keep us connected and sharing our prayers and support through the same devices. Duality existing even in the land of the information super highway.

Meditation brings stillness and clears out our STUFF, but nothing clears out the vrittis (mind chatter) in our lives faster than peeking into the mortality of our physical bodies on this sacred playground. Humans are amazing during a time of need when the veil of egoic want is lifted. It is like an instantaneous purge of our selfishness. There is a ripe moment where none of us knows how we really got here. Then, flows an infinity of love that exudes from within. We are all waiting for the chance to serve, and when it arrives, it just happens.

It is during these moments, when all becomes still, that you can witness the divine within you waiting to love…quite the opposite of what we do the rest of the time. We are usually caught up in our stories of waiting to be loved, complaining that we are not loved enough, or worst of all, undeserving of love.

As I got on with my “to do” list… after meditating, reading the blog, crying, praying, juicing, putting some of the cucumbers over my eyes (to reduce puffiness), and then crying some more, it was time to take my daughter to school. On the way, I noticed a couple kissing in their car at the stoplight and I immediately thought, ”they are obviously not married or heading anywhere important today if they can kiss each other like that, at 7:30 in the morning.” Then I noticed another couple standing on the corner, just moments later, kissing each other, baby cooing in the stroller beside them. Today, during the lunch hour, I noticed a couple slow dancing on the corner waiting for the light to turn green. What is happening? Have I lost my mind. Is Fort Wayne the city of lip-locked lovers on every street corner and I just haven’t been aware of it until now? The one thing these lovers had in common is that they were all at stoplights. We are usually so caught up in the fast pace of our lives, that we are on autopilot. Many times, it takes a teacher to make you stop and sit; or a traumatic event, to stop us in our tracks. When we stop, love spills out, whether we are at a stoplight, or on our knees or meditation cushions. This is our divine nature. Love is what gets us through our day at our possibly monotonous jobs, and love is what is waiting to heal us when we wake from an intense 8 hour surgery. Most importantly, Love is what we are if we can just stop and get out of our own way. Just don’t stop breathing, even those lip-locked lovers will eventually have to come up for air. Unfortunately and fortunately, the light will turn green.

Spill out love with this Tibetan Buddhist Meditation
Imagine a person you wish to serve in uplifting. Breathe in the pain of this person. Imagine it as a gray cloud that is transformed within you to pure light. Breathe out to that person spaciousness, healing or love. You can do this for anyone: the homeless mother that you pass on the street, a sick friend, someone you choose to forgive, or yourself.